Another Like No Other Sunny Day

Next Phase, Please!

2008-08-04T01:29:00.004-04:00

We all have those moments in life where we hit forks in the road and have to choose which paths to take. Unlike Robert Frost, I'm not referring to the easy path or the harder path. I'm more referring to going down the same path or changing your course and leaving your old path behind. For me, it's come down to Sesame Place. As you can see by my blatantly Sesame themed blog: Sesame used to be a huge part of my life. I know it's dorky, but it's basically my Masque away from Masque (if that makes sense). Same basic concept: putting on shows with your friends. Except we perform every day...in the heat...for not the nicest people to grace the Earth...in costumes that are a third or more of our body weight.

The point is that this season has made me utterly miserable. If there is anything I want more in life right now it's to start this summer over again without Sesame. From bullshit supervisors, to bogus line schedules, to all your closest friends not suffering there with you anymore, there is nothing appealing left about Sesame. And this is not just me. So many people are through with the place, which is why I know I'm not insane for thinking it went to shit. Put it this way: if my friend PJ (who is probably the most POSITIVE person to ever set foot on Earth) is just as miserable as I am then you know something is wrong!

It's not so much the work itself that makes me miserable as much as it is the people. Besides all my friends being gone (with the exception of a small handful) those who replaced them are absolutely obnoxious. Maybe it's because they're so young. Maybe it's because I'm so much older. But wasn't I 17 once and working at Sesame? Yes. At that age, was I running around like an idiot and screaming at the top of my lungs as if Sesame was Day Care and not a working environment? No. Was I mouthing off and treating the adults, who worked their asses off to make sure my costume worked, like they were lower than dirt? No. So why did these trends happen? I know the entertainment department hired young this season...but was being an oblivious, self-centered, ungrateful teenager part of the job requirement as well? At this point, if someone told me that was on the application, I would believe it without thinking twice about it.

I'm just sick of coming home mad. I'm sick of waking up the next day and still being mad. I'm sick of driving to work angry. I'm sick of driving home from work angry. I'm sick of being pissed that my safety is being neglected. I'm pissed about doing MORE work in LESS hours resulting in doing MORE work for LESS pay and under MORE dangerous conditions. I'm just sick of being angry. I'm not an angry person, and Sesame has made me that way. Granted, there have been days I've been able to brush things off and have fun, but there haven't been many. I'm glad that today was one of those good days. It almost makes me wish it was my last day.

Put it this way: I hung out with my old Sesame Crew tonight after work and it was the piece my life I've been missing all summer. We did our own little "Fuck You Sesame!" by swimming in Cindy's pool in none other than the unitards we wore under the costumes (which Cindy accidentally stole over the years) for a good long while. Pictures of this excursion should be coming soon to a facebook near you! And although I haven't seen most of these people in a long, long while, it's as if we HAD spent all summer together. Nothing had changed. It felt fun. It felt relieving. It felt home.

I wish I could say the reason I stayed at Sesame was because of those children who truly gained a lifelong memory from my work. And although those few instances made me feel like I did something worth while this summer, they weren't enough to balance the pain and misery of the bullshit my coworkers and supervisors/bosses made me put up with. It's sad. It makes me sad to think about how something I looked forward to every year for the past 4 years has made me the most unhappy I've been in a long time. I'm used to being depressed...but never incessantly angry.

With that in mind along with the fact that my Sesame career is drawing to a close, I wanted to post a few highlights from this year:

1. The parade. This is the first time someone caught me on film as a 50's dancer in the parade and put it in an online forum. Check out the girl in the gold skirt...

2. The most HILARIOUS parade I've ever done! See previous entry for more details.

3. The last time anyone will ever do "Adventure Isle" in Abby Cadabby's Treasure Hunt. Yes, that's me in Abby.

4. Doing Big Bird's Beach Party with PJ as "Jamie". Watch how we sneaked our "secret handshake" into the opening number!

And I'm also leaving you with this message. Sesame will no longer be as big a part of my life as it has been. At least at this point of my life. I need to get away from it. Looking back on it, all I see is pictures of people who are no longer there, pictures of times when everything was fun, and videos of shows when they used to be done right. Yes, I'll probably stop when I pass Sesame Street while flipping through channels. Yes, I'll still have my Abby Cadabby blanket and my Sesame Place hoodie. But other than those few things here and there, I'm done. It's over. Time to grow up and move on. Therefore, this blog is of no use to me anymore. You can find me now on wordpress at:

http://twistsandturnsoffate.wordpress.com/

I just can't open this blog anymore and see all these stupid characters smiling back at me. After this summer, it kind of makes me want to puke. So change of scenery!

Well, after the 6th, I'll have about 2 weeks to recharge my nerves before going back to the stresses of school. Not as much time as I allotted last summer when Sesame was fulfilling, but I'll have to make due. There's so much going on in my head and in my life right now I wish I knew where to turn. All I know is Sesame is one problem I don't have to live with anymore. Gotta take things one step at a time I guess.

So for the last time...

*Twinkle Out*

When it Rains, it Pours!

2008-07-06T21:05:00.004-04:00

(Please do not be fooled by the title because this is a happy entry!)

It was about a week ago where we had about 4-5 days in a row of "passing thunderstorms" on our local weather forecast and never received a drop of rain. It could look like 9:00 at night at 2:00 in the afternoon, but no rain would fall. Yesterday changed all of that. Even though the forecast read "chance of showers", we got BOMBARDED!

Where the humor comes in with all of this is that it happened just in time for the 7:00 Rock Around the Block Parade. I was a 50's Dancer (which means I'm in the front of the parade dancing with a few characters) and it was probably one of the craziest moments of my life. Raindrops started to fall a good 10 minutes before the parade began, but they didn't fall harder until 5 minutes before the parade was to begin. It was declared that the parade was going to be a "walk through" which meant that the floats/dancers/characters were not permitted to stop at any time (there are choreographed stop times during a normal run of the parade) so that everyone would be out of the rain soon and we wouldn't have to cancel the parade. Two minutes before the parade began, the rain drops which had steadily increased, mysteriously stopped out of nowhere. "That was it?" we thought. Little did we know what lied beyond the big blue gates separating where we were in the backstage area from the parade route running through the entire park. We opened the big blue gates in front of us to start the parade and we saw the strangest thing ever: About 20 ft or so in front of us was a wall of torrential downpour. We were driving this parade straight into this thick, heavy rain.

Luckily, we made it through the parade unscathed. All the characters were soaked, but alright. The floats had huge problems because the drivers couldn't see anything and had to be slowly escorted down the length of the parade route blindly with only a person on the outside of the float with a walkie-talkie as their guide. It was absolute hell on wheels, and I nearly lost my voice trying to get characters off the route and into the costume shop where it was dry, and from screaming directions to people in floats who couldn't see a thing. However, as my fellow 50's Dancers and I danced down the parade route, laughing our asses off at how drenched we were, I must admit that I've never performed the parade to a more responsive crowd. There were many people still in the park because there was supposed to be an Independence Day Fireworks display around 9:00, so we actually had an audience during this mini monsoon. They cheered us on the whole way through. Even the lifeguards/park ops employees who control the crowd during the parade (and absolutely HATE us) were laughing at and cheering for us as we went by. It was definitely one of the funniest things that has ever happened.

It just so happens that one guest caught a snippet of the ordeal on tape. It barely does justice to the hilarity of the situation, but at least you'll get an idea.

Well, now I'm off to bed so that I may go back to work tomorrow and go back to hoping the rain will make life on The Street interesting yet again!

*Twinkle Out*

Mantra

2008-06-01T23:07:00.001-04:00

I think I found my goal to live up to my junior year...starting now! (and no, not Meet the Robinsons...)

*Twinkle Out*

The Little Things

2008-05-28T00:28:00.022-04:00

*Editor's Note: This Blog entry is going to be littered with things that make me smile :-D*

I really hate this time of year. Do you want to know why? It's always a time of physical and emotional pain that I dread each year. I thought after experiencing it once then it might not be so hard after that. Nope! It only gets harder as you, um...get older?

First things first are the goodbyes. I'm not going to get all sappy and say I'm going to be lost without this years senior class because that would be a lie. Hell, I'm going to miss them like crazy, but Sophomore year has proven well enough that the world does not end when the graduated senior class isn't around as often. Oh it sucks, but they come back. They always do! Honestly, the ones I care about are close enough that I'll get to see them all summer long, or at least from time to time. I'm just happy that the ones who truly make me smile are so close to home!

Okay, so I admit it: I'm going to miss the class of 2008. Don't think you're so special though, because I said I was going to miss the class of 2007 too! Anyhoo, they say that when a senior class leaves then you should cling to the next class above you and your class for comfort. That's all well and fine except a bunch of my closest friends in those classes are not going to be at school first semester! Tough break, tough break. Oh well, I still love them anyway. And it'll only make it more fun when they come back for spring semester!

Well that was pretty much the grunt of the "emotional pain" segment. Unfortunately the physical pain portion is the only part weighing me down these days. I've been working at Sesame for three weeks now and have yet to do Elmo in the shows. I've been Abby every... freakin... day. Words cannot express the pain I'm in. All I keep telling myself is "my body will get used to it again, my body will get used to it again", but to tell you the truth, I don't remember my head hurting this bad in years past. That's the only thing that's bothering me. Pulled muscles, pinched nerves, and bruises I can live with. But the tension/sinus headaches and the bruised scalp really make it hard to stay awake at work, let alone for doing anything after. Ya know, like that stupid calculus class I have every Tuesday and Thursday night. Not cool!

I guess the only positive thing I can say about Sesame right now is that, um...I'm a cute Abby? Yeah, that's the ticket! No really, I'm kinda looking forward to next week's schedule. And by next week I mean June 9th - 15th. Wanna know why? Because on Tuesday, June 10th John and Kate Plus 8 are coming to Sesame Place! That means, if I'm in cast on Tuesday (which is very likely, considering all the high schoolers will be in school) I could be on TV! So I'm kinda waiting for the schedule to go up. I really hope I'm not something lame like character walks or something.

That's about it for my life right now. All I really have to say about self reflection is that summer has brought a lot of freedom. Okay, so I have a calc class two nights a week and Sesame is already eating my body & soul and we haven't even started full time yet...BESIDES THAT, I've come to really appreciate the little things: the random IMs, the goofy hang-out sessions, the hoard of bumper stickers, the crazy texts, the late-night phone calls, and the quality time with besties I'm thankful to have snuck in my effed-up schedule from time to time. Seriously, it's the little things that have been my energy boost between shows at work, my jolt to keep me awake after work, and my laughter which has distracted me from my aching muscles better than Motrin. Seriously, you all crack my shit up and at the time when I need it most. So for that, I tip my hat to you...and now my neck is stuck in that position, eek!

And as someone smart *COUGH* not Dan *COUGH* is currently telling me: it's bedtime. Gotta go to work in the mornin'

::CUE BEDDY-TIME SONG::

*Twinkle Out*

It's About Time

2008-04-18T10:30:00.006-04:00

I think it's about time for a more postive post in this blog. So here it goes...

The Undergraduate Research presentation was FABULOUS! I mean, I know Pam and I had video/music playing, but people seemed to be drawn to our project even without that. As Dr. Blum stated when I went to him for physics help, "The projects were interesting. I couldn't get near your board though." Sorry Blum! Didn't know my and Pam's project was going to be such a hit! Between Anna Allen, Dr. Bednar, and Dr. Smith, I don't know what is going to happen with our project next:

Anna Allen: She wants us to copyright our concept of linking dance and chemistry and then copyright our choreography. Pam and I are forbidden to make copies of our DVD or put the dances on YouTube until we have everything copyrighted. She would like us to polish it up a bit and then market it as a teacher's aid.

Dr. Bednar: She agrees with Anna that we need to sell it as a teacher's aid. However, Dr. Bednar wants us to also get the rights to the music so that we can perform it live it we wanted to. Apparently that's, "Not hard, and relatively inexpensive". I think my favorite part was, "Is Dr. Prushan bringing you to the chemistry conference with this project? Has he emailed the people running it yet? Is he sure they aren't already booked? Well, if it runs anything like the education conference then they're probably already booked. I'm gonna go ask him..."

Dr. Smith: "This is my favorite project!" was probably the one phrase he kept uttering. His ideas are probably the wildest of them all. Dr. Smith is going to "talk to some people" to try and get us grant money. He would like to see us get the rights for the music and copyright our concept and choreography as well, but he wants us to market it toward professional theater companies. With this grant money, Smith wants us to get professional dancers and get backed by some professional theaters.

And on a side note, Dr. Price: (While watching the square dance) "Ooo look, resonance structures! Wow! Look at the bonds breaking! I wish the structure would fold in on itself and change shape...oh wait, it is! Loot at that!"

I can see the teacher's aid concept, but I'm not all sure about Dr. Smith's idea for a few reasons. One, I would be heartbroken to replace any of our dancers with professionals. It just wouldn't be the same. Those involved made this project worth doing and it wouldn't feel the same without them. Two, technicalities really. For instance, what professional dance company would take me and Pam serious as choreographers? Also, the choreography is not designed for professional dancers. Overall, the idea is awesome Dr. Smith, but it doesn't make much sense.

Next topic on my list is

Doug, Brianna, Pam, Liz P, Annaliese, Megan H, & Sara

So we were at the table on Wednesday and Megan thought it would be funny to tell everyone about her game she's been playing all year. This game doesn't have a name, but it basically consists of taking words that start with "al" and putting a "v" in front of them to make them about me. Examples: "Valcove", "Valcoholic", "The Valchemist". With some slightly altered rules to this game, the Vallied Powers sat around the table for about an hour and a half and came up with the following:

The Vallied Powers
Vallegory
See you later Valligator
Valcove
Val-Jassir
Valcoholic
Valchemist
Val-Queda
Valex Trebek
Valley-Cat
Valluminum Foil
Valiban
Valready to go
Valmanac
Valbus Dumbledore
Control-Valt-Delete
Valzheimers
Valabama
Valaria
Valtoids
Valbert Einstein
Edgar Vallen Poe
Vallentown, PA
Vallen Ginsburg
Valifornia knows how to party
Valgorithm
Valtruistic
Vallusion
Valbum
Valberqueque
Vallopian Tubes
Invallable
Valgebra
Valestine
Valexander the Great
Valexander Hamilton
Valexander Gram Bell
The Library of Valexandria
A Valley-Oop
Valerina
Valtercation
Valteration
Valmost Famous
Valice in Wonderland
Valex Mack
Val Gore
Valaska
Valliby
Valbatros
Valvin and the Chipmunks
The Prisoner of Valcatrez
Vallegro
Vallegra
Valance Beam
Valcon
Valangies
Valkaline Batteries
Valkali Metals
Valkaline Earth Metals
Valpine
Vallison Channey
Valright
Valypso
Vallergies
Vallegence
Valphabet
Valsace-Lorraine
Valicia Keys
Vallison Krauss
Valtitude
The Valamo
Valaddin
Valbanian

So from now on, when I drink I'm a Valcoholic, if I forget something then I have Valzheimers, if I give you a really big hug you're a prisoner of Valcatrez, when I dance I'm a Valerina, my little study area in my room with my desk is my Valcove, etc. If you can think of a word that works and it's not Valready on the list, feel free to add it and become a member of the Vallied Powers.

And just for the record this was not my doing...but it's hilarious!

I think my favorite part was Davey sitting at the table with us and not being able to come up with a single word. Sorry Davey, "Valentine" and "Vallium" are already words. They don't work. And" Valadder" (ladder) doesn't work either. Davey actually walked around reading signs and pulled out a program and thumbed through it in search of words he could use. Poor Davey!

An update for the Vallied Powers: Megan and Liz want to make shirts. Don't ask me why, but they do. Questions? Comments? Concerns? Talk to Meg or Liz!

And of course, since this entry couldn't be entirely chipper, I have to admit the theme of my life right now is "trying new things". Some of these new things I can't wait for, and some of them I'm dreading terribly. For instance, I can't wait to make the Masque office look brand-spankin'-new during senior week. My ideal situation: Get rid of props that are A)Broken and B)We'll never use again. Also, taking an inventory of props so incase things do get messy again (which they will) Props Masters/Mistresses will know what we have (somewhere in the dung heap) and don't have to go out and waste money buying stuff we already have. If I can get that done then my next step would be to tackle those photoboards next to Cicala's office. Don't get me wrong, I mean I love history and all, but we don't need three photoboards full of Cicala! And if there is any time left over (which there probably won't be, but here's hoping) I need to rearrange some files and get things in order my way. I'm saving that for last because once the office is clean then rearranging files is something I can do when I come back in the fall if need be.

Next on my list: my room at home. That didn't quite happen over Christmas break, and I'd really like to see that project come to fruition, especially because I'm going to be taking Calc2 until July and I'm gonna need somewhere to work. Plus, I know I'm not going to be getting an appartment straight out of college, so it's not like all of this work will go to waste.

(Sorry, this is completely unrelated, but still awkward as all hell: I'm in the library typing this up and there is a guy part way across the room from me CLIPPING HIS FINGERNAILS--nail clipper and all--in the middle of the library. Any psychology majors in need of a case study? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?)

Anyhoo, now on to the new things I'm not looking forward to as much. One of them is being at Sesame. Um, new choreography for a show that has been running perfectly fine for 5 years? Yeah. I don't get it either. This is the last year for Big Bird's Beach Party, and NOW they decide the choreography is a little too intense? I knew Sesame employees were slow, but this just takes the cake. Aside from the unneccessary changes in choreography that are going to fuck with my job, there is also the factor of being alone. I know I mentioned this in a previous post, so I'm not going to hit this up with too much detail. All I have to say is this is most definitely going to be my last year at Sesame unless I get a supervisor position. Even then, I don't know if I'll want to be there. It's just not the same without the people you love working with. It's awkward being one of the "old" ones when you're surrounded by high schoolers, because the truth is you are so much older than them. Last year they all thought I was 23. Now what? I just want my free passes this year (so Amy, Chris, and I can take our family vacation! Woot!) and then I'm done with it after this. It's the same old bullshit every time I go back, so what's the point? I'm over it.

Speaking of being over the same old bullshit (as if that wasn't just the world's perfect segway) I've learned a new trick that I'm not looking forward to performing: how to burn bridges. Truth is, I don't give up on people. I never have. It's just not something I do. I care about people too much. I generally don't hold grudges and I tend toward the forgiving side. However, recent events (and by recent I mean um...the last few months or so) have made me realize that maybe I shouldn't be me anymore. Maybe some people need to be yelled at. Maybe some people need to be hurt to wake up. Maybe I don't deserve being treated like SHIT in plain English. So I'm trying this thing a good friend of mine calls, "Having a fucking fight or else nothing will get better". And if it doesn't get better? Well, I think at that point I'm supposed to just walk away. Apparently, this is supposed to be "good for me". All I know is that if this happens, when it happens, I'll be the only one I know who's not proud of myself.

*Twinkle Out*

Letters to the Editor:

2008-04-02T23:32:00.004-04:00

Dear Heart,

Would you mind shutting up now? I don't know how many times I've had to listen to you over the course of this past year, but you're always WRONG. You're always going to be WRONG. I'm right, you're wrong, get over it! It would be very nice if you could keep your mouth shut for a while because I could really use the break.

Sincerely,
Brain

Dear Brain,

My bad. Didn't mean to fuck that one up...again. I know I've put a damper on everything as usual, but I really have to put my foot down on this one no matter how many times you tell me not to. I may not always be right, but I'm about as stubborn as you are. Tis a fault of my own and I apologize for it in advance. I just wish you'd let me speak out once in a while. If you give me the chance, I might be able to change things...save someone from making a mistake... make a difference to someone. Maybe if you just let me try then I wouldn't be weighing your thoughts down so much.

Love,
Heart

Dear Heart,

No can do. It's just not your place. Trust me when I say I know better than to start shit that's not mine to start. If you want to keep throwing a hissy fit about it then fine, go for it. It seems to be about the only thing we can agree on these days. Between me knowing the truth and you caring too much, I know how much of a pickle this may seem. Hopefully, things will work out as they should. Let's just get drunk and forget about it for a while. Sound good?

Cordially,
Brain

Dear Brain,

That's probably the most intelligent thing you've said all evening. I'm so there!

Kisses,
Heart

Dear Brain and Heart,

Do I get a say in this? As for you, Brain, you're the reason why I starved for most of the day. What the heck possessed you to believe that eating only one meal today was a smart move? Maybe if you got more sleep then you would have recognized that I was trying to do my job down here, genius! And heart, ohhhhhh don't get me started! You've been on my shit list for a while. Way to let your emotional rampages throw off my schedule. Now while the two of you bicker, may I remind you that the Brain once again forgot to set aside enough time and energy to study for the Organic Exam she knows nothing about on Friday? I'm down here doing flip flops over it and you two are fretting away about non-important shit that's not worth either of your time and energy in the long run. The both of you need to get back to work!

Many thanks,
Stomach

In other news:

Taping of the dances for my and Pam's honors project is DONE! We actually nailed lyrical on the first try, so that was a plus. Afterwards, I had a nice chat with Courtney who stayed after her senior video interview to help us tape lyrical. It's so nice to talk to someone who shares the same fears as you do and sees eye to eye with you on things that have been bothering you. It makes you feel like maybe you're not so crazy after all! All I know is if the thing Courtney and I are dreading actually manifests, at least we won't be sitting there laughing by ourselves.

*Twinkle Out*

Fuck My Life (Part 2)

2008-03-31T20:38:00.002-04:00

The following exchanges are reasons why Megan and I have lived together tooooooo long:

Megan: "Wow, Val! We have lived together for way too long!"
Val: "Yup."
Megan: "And next year will be awesome!"
Val: "Yeah, because we'll be living together too long, but this time we'll have a stove!"
Megan: "And a fridge! That you can fit inside! So we'll both have burns of various degrees!"
Val: "And mine will be BLUE!"

Val: "Hold on reading me those show synopses. I have to pee."
Megan: "NO YOU DON'T!"
Val: "YES I DO!" (Points to expanding pile of old flyers on the ground) "NOW CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT!"
Megan: "I CAN'T! I'M BEING HOUSE TRAINED!"

Megan: "Sorry my laugh just sounded like a sex noise."
Val: "It's okay. When I get really tired, my laugh sounds like a chipmunk."
Megan: "Yeah, I know."
Val: "You do?"
Megan: "Yes, I've heard it."
Val: "Oh yeah. Hmm, Jim used to love that laugh. He always told me it was cute...God I'm lonely."
Megan: (cracks up hysterically) "Sorry I'm laughing at your loneliness!"
Val: "Not a problem."
Megan: "This should totally be your away message!"
Val: "It should be, but then I'd get awkward IMs from Jim saying, 'What does this mean?!?!'"
Megan: "Fuck him!"
Val: "NO! No more! That's one of the reasons we're not together anymore."
Megan: "Oh, no I thought you were talking about somebody else!"

Megan: "I'm afraid to search this show..."
Val: "What show?"
Megan: "'Ladies in Lingerie'. I'm afraid of what I may find!"

Megan: "How about 'Annie Get Your Gun'?"
Val: "Eh..."
Megan: "Ah! It has 25 men!"
Val: "...I have 25 men."
Megan: "You'll wear them out in no time!"
Val: "Damn straight, I will! Wait...that's a compliment towards me, right?"
Megan: "Um...I think so? But I don't know. Let's just go with 'yeah' because you'd totally rock them all!"

Soooooo cracked out!

Rock Bottom

2008-03-28T00:39:00.003-04:00

Fuck my life.

I'm done.

I'm sick and tired of being the failure.

It's someone else's turn now. Okay?

Thank you life for the never-ending parade of why I'm not G.E. in any aspect I happen to cover.

Trying New Things

2008-03-22T02:57:00.002-04:00

Apparently, going to bed early isn't one of them! Although, I do see it proving beneficial at some point.

Anyhoo, Mom and Dad came home from a vacation in St. Kitts. They highly suggest that when I graduate, I move there. Why? Well, here's the map:
That tan area that circles the island and peaks down to the peninsula is the one and only road. THERE IS NO GETTING LOST! Oh, I'd find a way...

As far as the new things go: Mommy bought me a necklace and I'm absolutely in love with it! Good luck ever spotting me without it from now on.

Mommy also brought me back a shot glass. I get my realistic outlook on life from my mother. Aside from that, I now own a shot glass and no longer need to borrow Megan's. Yay!

My last first of the day (yes...the oxymoron is intended) is the fact that Jess is attempting to set me up with a guy she works with. This should be interesting. Ya know, besides the fact that I look, feel, and sound like death right now thanks to a cold, this guy likes "pretty girls"; therefore, I'm already off to a bad start in his book, and he's already off to a bad start in mine. Also, this is a younger guy (College freshie...okay, so not much younger, but still not what I was looking for). Screw his age! This is a guy I don't know. And what has happened to the last relationships I went into without being close friends with the guy for at least 5 months? Oh yeah, they were the worst ones of my life. Why? Because I have an uncanny knack for attracting assholes (not saying that all of my boyfriends were assholes...feel better now, Doug?) Meh. Jess took the liberty of telling him to facebook stalk me, so I guess I have to at least meet the kid. Hmm, maybe if I'm lucky the fact that all my recent facebook pictures are of my "Hubby", "Baby", "Nieces", "Nephew", and assorted "Sweaty/Old Money/Mob Families", will scare him away. It is kinda creepy if you look at it from the outside: "Why yes, I am married and have a son who is a year younger than I am. What of it? I mean, Mike and I were such close cousins that we thought it was be a good idea to--" YEAH. Awkward. Or ya know, he could stumble upon the pictures of me in my Elmo or Abby costume and think I have some effed up identity crisis. Yup, I see this whole facebook thing going well...

So what do you think? Do I owe it to myself to be optimistic yet again? Should I get the balls to walk into good old Best Buy and at least introduce myself and maybe, just maybe, be surprised? I've been meaning to grab a copy of 1408 and Best Buy just got it in stock.

And now I'll leave you with an awesomely choreographed music video that Jess introduced me to:

*Twinkle Out*

Number 10

2008-03-21T05:27:00.003-04:00

Number 10 would be from Fly Away Home, but nice guesses everyone! Truly, you guys pretty much knocked my list outta the park.

And this is where my 6:30AM inspired creativity comes in...

It's the morning after.
You wake up,
Get off the floor,
And wonder how the hell you got there in the first place.
You take a long, hard look in the mirror.
What is it that you see there?
Look past the unmistakeably sleepless shadows.
Look through the fading sparkles that used to shine so bright.
You find all that's staring back at you are the remnants of
Who you are,
Who you were,
And who you want to be all rolled into one
Place where hope is sealed in a bottle
Of 200% proof that you're absolutely full of shit.
A few cups of logic and a couple of shots of reason
Will bring you back to the drunken stupor you repeatedly mistake as reality.
No matter what your tolerance,
No matter how quickly you sober up,
You incessantly find yourself face down on the floor where this all began.
So you live,
You love,
But, contrary to popular belief, you don't learn.
For to learn means to lie
To lie means to hide
To hide means to fail
And failing is simply no longer an option.
Why?
Because failure is nothing more than a branding iron to the soul
And you've legitimately run out of room for any more scars:
The results of spending too much time in front of a mirror
Watching your reflection stare back at you as if it, too, knows your story.
No matter how many times these light rays bounce off the mirror
And reflect back to you the same image they've produced all this time,
It will never change the fact that the perfect replica staring you right back in the face
Will never know you're there.

For those of you who don't know me very well (and for those who do and are still questioning themselves): No, I don't have a drinking problem. I just thought it was a cool analogy.

Bandwagon, Anyone?

2008-02-26T20:59:00.006-05:00

1. 15 Favorite Movies
2. Quotes
3. Post so folks Guess
4. Cheat and bad things will happen...

1. The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves...until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains. (Memoirs of a Geisha - AO)

2. Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? An obese man... a disgusting man who could barely stand up; a man who if you saw him on the street, you'd point him out to your friends so that they could join you in mocking him; a man, who if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal. After him, I picked the lawyer and I know you both must have been secretly thanking me for that one. This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets! A woman... so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer, a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. (Se7en - AN)

3. A: Why is New Jersey called "The Garden State"?
B: Because "Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State" wouldn't fit on a license plate? (Miss Congeniality - MM)

4. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood...nobody! (Dodgeball: An Underdog Story - AN)

5. Yeah, I saw an animal do that once and then they rolled him over and he was dead. (Happy Feet - AN)

6. A: All right, everyone, let's listen up now, listen up. Hey! I don't know what that kid is doing, but get him away from the tape! Stilwell Something important has just happened. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out, I get a bonus when we get to the World Series. So, let's play hard, let's play smart, use your heads.
B: That's that lump three feet above our ass, right? (A League of Their Own - AN)

7. A: Why, that was pure genius!
B: Yes, I shall go down in history as the man who opened a door! (Ever After - AO, me too Alyssa!!!)

8. And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals. (Mean Girls - AN)

9. The shit hath hitith the fan...ith. (10 Things I Hate About You - AN)

10. Broken promises are the worst. Better not to promise anything.

11. Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into this jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he? Huh? (Hercules - AO)

12. Rickem, rockem, rackem, rake - stick that sword into that snake! (Aladdin - AN)

13. You lost your arms in battle! But you grew some nice boobs. (Robinhood Men in Tights - AN)

14. Just dance the shit out of it! (Center Stage - JC)

15. No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes. (Bruce Almighty - AO)

Bonus: One actor was in 2 of these movies...oh well, it's the best I've got!
Actor: Robin Williams (AN)
This is not the one I intended, but Amy is absolutely right! That means there is another bonus!!! One more actor played in two of these films...

Have fun!

*Twinkle Out*

Poke-A-Nose 2008 [Abridged]

2008-02-24T19:47:00.004-05:00

Part 1: Car Ride with Chris, Kate, and Doug

-"Wow, that was a great story! It looks like we have time for you to tell it again..."
-"Ch, you're fat!"
-"...So then I taught Brodey the difference between truth and tact."
-"Ch, can I have a cheese sandwich, please?" "FAT KIDS DON'T GET CHEESE SANDWICHES!"
-(While passing each other in opposite directions on the road in Amy's neighborhood)
Davey: "Hey!"
Chris: "Hey! Wait a minute...how did you get over here?"
Davey: "How did YOU get over here?"
Chris: "I thought we were following you!"
Davey: "I thought I lost you!"
Chris: "You mean we were following THAT GUY the whole time?"

Part 2: Day One
-Quesadillas for all!
-"...have some Bickels!"
-(Davey screams like a girl)
Amy: "What?!?"
Davey: (Running away) "DEER! DEER OUTSIDE OF THE DOOR!"
-Drunken sledding:
It's okay, we have a nurse!
"TOBOGGAN!"
Skidding in circles in Chris's car.
The "Greg Belt". Not as good as a real seat belt, but it'll do!
Val, Greg, and John setting the record for distance with their triple sled chain.
Val, Greg, and John's record being broken by another triple sled chain.
Val and John setting the final record for distance with their double sled chain.
"WATCH OUT FOR THE CAR!" (Yes, some of us managed to almost get hit by a parked car...)
"Greg, you are NOT riding home in the sled hooked up to the back of Davey's truck by a rope!"
-Old school Super Nintendo and Rock Band
-Catch Phrase craziness
-Mall Madness lives on!
-Drunk dialing Chris's mom.

Part 3: Day Two
-"Where's Chris?"
"Practicing his monologue...i.e. sleeping."
-"So, it's too quiet in here...Trivial Pursuit?"
-Chris: "You know, an Organ Grinder."
Kate: "No, I don't know."
Chris: (while singing a jaunty tune and signing ridiculous hand motions) "I'm on the street in the 1970's, listen to my organ, here's my monkey!"
-Unsuspecting bird flying into the house.
-Shout About Movies
-Pasta dinner with Texas Toast
-Chris: "What are you guys doing?"
Megan: "Jason and I are bored, so we're asking each other Trivial Pursuit questions."
Chris: "You were made for each other!"
-Three new Rock Bands: "AAA", "Bickels", and "Sweaty". Plus, new "Rape Stove" scores!
-INSANITY!
-Mafia
Chris: "Sadly, the village idiot has died..."
Greg: "WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP KILLING ME FIRST?!?!? (Points to Jason) He's Mafia too!"
Everyone: "GREG!"
Greg: "Oops..."
Mafia Val winning the game (that's a first!)
Val: "This may be the alcohol talking, but..."
During the only round that Papa and Baby got to be Mafia together, Papa betrayed me! (Chris: "Townspeople, hear me out. Out of all my experience I would have to say that it is almost always a Ciaramella!")
-Shout About Movies.
-Late night WaWa run.

Part Four: Car ride home with Chris, Kate, Doug, and John
-Chris: "Oh man, I think I may need to throw up again in like, 20 minutes..."
Val: "See John, now aren't you glad you're back here and Doug's shotty?"
Chris: "Oh it doesn't matter where Doug's sitting. Even if he was behind me, I'd turn around to throw up on him!"
-Kate goes to sleep on Val's shoulder, Val goes to sleep on John's shoulder, Chris notices: "Oh that's cute guys! I think I'll just go to sleep too...If I can't sleep then neither can you! And if you do then I'm flailing the wheel and screaming so you think you're spending your last seconds of life asleep. How does that make you feel?"
-Val: (Pulls out a doggie figurine she found in her purse) "Kate, what should we name him?"
Kate: "Hmm...he looks like a Chuck."
Val: "What do you think, John?"
John: "Um, how about Byron?"
Val: "Thanks, Byronic Hero..."
Kate: "No wait! (Puts doggie up to her ear and listens) He says he wants his name to be Ralph."
Val: "Wow Kate, I didn't know you talked to inanimate objects...first Chuck then Ralph? Are you hoping Chris pukes again?"
Kate: "Oh no!"
Chris: "What?"
John: (Grabs doggie and talks to it) "Hey, what's up Chuck?"
Chris: "What are you calling me?!?"
-Stopping at a gas station:
Chris: "Okay, so who's going to pump gas?"
Kate: "Uh, I guess I will. (Chris leaves. Kate can't open her door) Oh, this was the door Jason was having trouble with last night."
Doug: "I'll pull from the outside." (Doug gets out of the car)
Kate: "Well, since you're out there, why don't YOU pump the gas?"
Score one for Kate!
-Chris and Val driving all around campus trying to find a way to get on to south campus. Apparently there was a really bad accident, but it happened to block off all entrances to south campus.

If there is anything I forgot that you would like to see up here, lemme know!

*Twinkle Out*

No More

2008-02-15T09:48:00.001-05:00

Too tired to write. I'll just let my favorite musical do the talking for me. Thanks YouTube:

Meh

2008-02-02T15:25:00.000-05:00

"So you're gone and I'm haunted,
And I bet you are just fine.
Did I make it that easy to
Walk right in and out of my life?"

The past week has been an interesting one. It had its ups and it had its downs. It had it's funny moments such as drunken coloring with a close friend while singing along to every Vanessa Carlton song under the sun. It also had it's funny moments such as that time where you went out of your way to do someone a favor, and yet they bitch about you behind your back and make a big deal of absolutely nothing. Why? I'll never know.

I've also come to the conclusion that thinking you're okay with something is not the same as being okay with something. You'd be surprised at how the difference can effect your life. It seems like the only person on Earth I know how to lie to is myself. I've been doing that way too much lately, and basically, it blows. But hey, you know what they say: "We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves,". My life is one gigantic example of that. I guess I have no one to blame but myself then. Why place the blame on anyone else when all you've truly lost is, well...hope.

"The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves...
Until one day there are none.
No hopes.
Nothing remains.
She paints her face to hide her face.
Her eyes a deep water.
It is not for Geisha to want.
It is not for Geisha to feel.
Geisha is an artist of the floating world.
She dances.
She sings.
She entertains you, whatever you want.
The rest is shadows.
The rest is secret."

2008-01-31T01:05:00.001-05:00

"On the inside
I keep to myself.
On the outside
Got a poker face from hell.
Well, I haven't cried for a long, long time
And I must admit it scares me.
Did I finally learn
How to deal with you?
Or did I shut down permanently?
And maybe it was just in my head
And everything that I left unsaid
Was a strange assumption
I could have sworn was true,
'Cause I thought you knew.
If an action doesn't scream a thousand words
Your reaction is to die a thousand deaths
And I drive and drive
With my side-view eye,
But I guess it just got lazy.
We were so much closer than we appeared,
Or maybe I was crazy,
But I know I'm gonna lose control
And I might beg you to save my soul
From my own reflection
I never could see through,
'Cause I thought you knew.
I thought you knew."

+/-

2008-01-29T16:12:00.001-05:00

Alrighty, I've given you all enough time to figure out my song list. Now for those of you who care, here are the answers:

1. The Wreckage by Vanessa Carlton
6. Annie by Vanessa Carlton
7. Love Can Move Mountains by Celine Dion
8. Yes I Will by the Backstreet Boys
9. That's The Way It Is by Celine Dion
10. Strong Enough by Stacie Orrico
17. Don't Get Lost in the Crowd by Ashley Ballard
21. Whisper by Evanescence
22. A Girl Can Dream from the Centerstage Soundtrack
28. Scream by Michael and Janet Jackson
33. Crucify by Tori Amos
39. Get Your Freak On by Missy Elliot
40. How Did I Fall In Love With You? by The Backstreet Boys

Life has been life I guess. It's got its ups and downs. Sometimes you think you're on top of your game, and then in one second you're scraping the bottom and have no idea why. So here I am just as confused and contemplative as always. I have a feeling I am meant to be in this state for the remainder of this year. I just can't seem to get out of it no matter what I do. And even when I do get out of it, something always happens to put me right back where I started with either a more positive outlook or more negative outlook than where I began originally. I guess I'm just stuck on the negative side as of right now.

On a more positive note, there are a few things that are going well:

1. Chemistry in Motion - My and Pam's honors project is going so well! I can't believe we have two numbers taped already. Everything is coming together so well and everyone involved is making me so proud. I swear, knowing that I have this project to look forward to on the weekends is what gets me through my week.

2. Mavericks - COME AUDITION TONIGHT. Yes, you! No really, this isn't a joke. Mavericks is going to be fun no matter what. I just feel like tonight is either going to go really well or terribly wrong. I don't know why, but that's how I feel. Maybe I'm just nervous. Speaking of Mavericks, I really need to put together some audition packets soon...

3. Celebrate La Salle - Jess is coming up Thursday night to practice for that. We're tapping. That's basically all the details we've hammered out so far. I can't wait! I've been dying to do some tapping for a while now. I know Pam and I just finished our tap routine and were frustrated with tapping by the end, but I just want to let go and hoof like I did back in...heck, 2004. It's the kind of style that made me addicted to tap and it's the kind of style that Jess has had the privilege of practicing at Bucks County Dance Center with my old tap teacher from Turning Pointe. I miss that style of tap so bad. I've had to squander it away for two years while I was at Wendy's, but I shall squander it no longer!

4. DVD's - Anyone paid for Masque DVD's and have not received them yet? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I have this adorable folder all set and ready to do all kinds of Masque DVD orders, but I can't yet until everyone who's paid for a DVD and doesn't have it has received theirs. So I'm still waiting...

5. Sesame - I keep forgetting to schedule a sign on interview/drug test/Cornerstone meeting with HR. DAMNIT! I really need to remember to do that no matter how bad I don't want to go home. This summer is going to be a little different than the previous years. If it wasn't weird enough having almost all of your friends as supervisors while you were still a dancer, how about when all your friends are...gone. Almost all of my friends are growing up and getting real jobs this summer. It kinda sucks to be the one left behind. I mean, there are some people there I still value, but the size of our Crew is dropping from roughly 25 of us to about 7, if that. That's a big change. Those are a lot of faces I'm going to miss seeing because they either won't be working at Sesame all summer (and we will be) or they'll be on tour. I guess that's the price I have to pay for being one of the youngest in the crowd. I never realized that all of my friends from Sesame who I hang out with all summer are all around the ages of 23-26 and then there's me. Why the age difference? I have no idea. I don't seem like "the baby" and they forget most of the time that I'm not 24. It's not like they go off to bars without me or anything, it's just that I never stopped to think that they'd be moving off The Street in search of real jobs soon and I wouldn't be. Oh well.

Well that's about all I have time for, folks!

*Twinkle Out*

No One Will Ever Know...

2008-01-18T14:49:00.001-05:00

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 40 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: For those who are guessing -- looking the lyrics up on a search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game post your own

1. "Speeding into the horizon, dreaming of the siren, wishing for her broken glass on the highway."

2. ~~"We were strangers starting out on a journey, never dreaming what we'd have to go through."~~ - At the Beginning by Donna Lewis

3. ~~"St. Jimmy's comin' down across the alleyway."~~ - St. Jimmy by Greenday

4. "~~The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers a wonderful thing!"~~ - The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers by Jim Cummings

5. ~~"She walks to school with the lunch she packed."~~ - Concrete Angel by Martina McBride

6. "Watch her as she flew deep within the blue."

7. "There ain't no dream that don't have the chance to come true now, it just takes a little faith baby."

8. "I open my eyes and I see your face."

9. "I can read your mind and I know your story."

10. "As I rest against this cold, hard wall oh will you pass me by?"

11. ~~"Splish splash I was takin' a bath long about a Saturday night!"~~ - Splish Splash (Sesame Version)

12~~. "Little town, it's a quiet village."~~ - Belle from Beauty and the Beast

13. ~~"This is the moment, this is the day, when I send all my doubts and demons on their way."~~ - This is the Moment from Jekyll & Hyde

14. ~~"I am watching the rise and fall of my salvation."~~ - Make Me Bad by Korn

15~~. "I took her out."~~ - What's My Age Again? by Blink182

16~~. "An old man turned 98, he won the lottery and died the next day."~~ - Ironic by Alanis

17. "You are the one that keeps your dream alive, and you are the one who feels the rhythm deep inside."

18. ~~"She turns around and she meets his gaze, the lights are dim, there's a smokey haze."~~ - Someday from The Wedding Singer

~~19. "She's a good girl, loves her mama, loves Jesus, and America too."~~ - Free Fallin' by Tom Petty

20. ~~"Something's up with Jack!"~~ - Jack's Obsession from The Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack

21. "Catch me as I fall."

22. "When I was a child the stories would say, 'Somebody will sweep you off your feet some day.'"

~~23. "I was gonna clean my room until I got high."~~ - Because I Got High by Afroman

~~24. "Ma-ia-hii."~~ - Numa Numa Iei by O-Zone

25. ~~"Right now you are down and out and feelin' really crappy~~." - Shadenfreude from Avenue Q

~~26. "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world."~~ - Barbie Girl by Aqua

27~~. "Kidnap Mr. Sandy Claws?"~~ - Kidnap the Sandy Claws from The Nightmare Before Christmas

28. "I'm tired of injustice, I'm tired of the schemes."

29. ~~"Now I'm the king of the swingers, oh the jungle VIP."~~ - I Wanna Be Like You from The Jungle Book

~~30. "Starting from here, let's make a promise: You and me, let's just be honest."~~ - Not Gonna Get Us by t.A.T.u.

31. ~~"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder."~~ - I Hope You Dance by LeAnne Womack

32. ~~"Ooo baby do you know what that's worth?"~~ - Heaven is a Place on Earth by Tiffiny

33. "Every finger in the room is pointing at me."

~~34. Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn't right?"~~ - ...Baby One More Time by Britney Spears

35. ~~"And so it is just like you said it would be."~~ - The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice

~~36. "I would like to reach out my hand."~~ - Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root

~~37. "Off in the distance there's a beautiful horizon."~~ - Look At The Sky from Urinetown

38. ~~"No more walking up six flights of stairs or throwing down the key because there is no buzzer."~~ - No More from Tick Tick Boom

39. "Missy be puttin' it down, I'm the hottest 'round."

40. "Remember when we never needed each other?"

*Twinkle Out*

I Found This to be Inspiring:

2008-01-17T23:38:00.000-05:00

Life Just Isn't
By Arthur Rohling

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend
or if you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date,
how many people you've dated,
or if you haven't been with anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed,
It's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is
or how much money they have
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde,
red, black, or brown.
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart everybody else thinks you are,
or how smart standardized tests say you are.
It's not about what clubs you're in
or how good you are at your sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a piece
of paper and seeing who will accept the written you.

Life just isn't those things

Life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.
It's about what you say and mean,
maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why.
And who your judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored
with full control and intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate and love,
letting it grow, and spreading it.

But most of all, it's about using Your Life to touch
or poison other people's hearts in such a way
that it could have never occurred alone.
You, and only you,
choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those choices are what life's all about.

The Perks of Being Home

2008-01-11T23:18:00.000-05:00

I'm sure everyone experiences some sort of perk while being at home with their family and friends. One of my least and most favorite perks all at the same time is that my past comes back in ways I never expect it. So far, it's returned to my life in good ways, such as Bryan's wonderful dinner in which I got to spend some time with some of my closest friends who I've known since elementary school and middle school. It had to have been one of my happiest nights home! We spent the night talking about mainly elementary school, but then we moved on to middle school and briefly touched on some high school memories. It will definitely be marked as one of the funniest nights of 2008 for me.

Where might my past be one of my least favorite perks you might ask? Well I'd have to say that seeing my 8th grade history student teacher in the Bucks County Courier Times again has to be one of them. By all means, everyone in my class is laughing at this, including myself. I just can't help but look back on it though and shake my head in embarrassment. Oh Minetola, you struck again! We've been hearing about this over and over again since 10th grade. IT'S A LITTLE OLD NOW! Just leave Leigh Superfine alone, won't you? GEEZ!

"Correct! Freedom of Speech is one of our freedoms as Americans. (Writing "Freedom of" on the board. Stops.) Hey guys, how do you spell 'speech'? Does it have two e's or an ea?" - Jim Minetola.

You don't have to get a haircut.
You don't have to change your shoes.
You don't have to like Duran Duran.
Just love me.

You don't have to put the seat down.
You don't have to watch the news.
You don't have to learn to tango.
You don't have to eat prosciutto.
You don't have to change a thing.
Just stay with me.

I want you and you and nothing but you
Miles and piles of you.
Finally I'll have something worthwhile
To think about each morning.

You and you and nothing but you
No substitution will do.
Nothing but fresh, undiluted and pure
Top of the line and totally mine!

I don't need any lifetime commitments.
I don't need to get hitched tonight.
I don't want you to throw up your walls and defenses.
I don't mean to put on any pressure
But I know when a thing is right,
And I spend every day reconfiguring my sense
When we get to my house, take a look at that town
Take a look at how far I've gone.

I will never go back.
Never look back anymore.
And it feels like my life led right to your side
And will keep me there from now on.
Think about what you wanted.
Think about what could be.
Think of what's great about me and you.
Think of the bullshit we've both been through.
Think of what's past because we can do better!
We can do better!
We can do better than that!
We can do better than that!

*Twinkle Out*

P.S. All of you in my and Pam's Honors project: be excited. Be very excited! Can't wait to start working with you guys!!!

Taking in the Scenery

2008-01-05T12:25:00.000-05:00

Another Sesame Place audition has gone by. It just didn't feel the same as it usually does knowing that Cindy, Matt, Mike, Eric, Eric, Patrick, Timmy, and a whole bunch of others aren't coming back this season. However, Sarah, Lenny, and I being auditioners 15, 16, and 17 reminded me that there are still some very awesome people left at Sesame who I'm only going to grow closer with over the summer. So I guess that is something to look forward too. This year's routine was a lot of fun. It was to Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music". I plan on remembering this conbination and practicing it periodically because it was fun and it was a nice work out. Plus, I'm sure Cindy and Erik are going to want to see it at some point. I did very well. The only awkward part of my audition was the fact that I was auditioning with 4 guys. This is how it works: they call people in 50 at a time to teach the routine. Once everyone has learned the routine, we break off into groups of 5 (#1-5, 6-10, 11-15, etc.). It just so happens that I was #17 and #16, 18, 19, and 20 were all guys. I don't think I've EVER seen that happen. Oh well, kudos to me for representin' the ladies for that round I guess. Also, the channel 6 news guy showed up after my audition (drat!) but he still video taped all of the contestants sitting watching the ones who were auditioning. So if you want the chance to possibly see me on the news, watch Action News (ABC channel 6) at 11:00 tonight!

All I have planned for the rest of the day is basically chill and then Bryan's dinner party tonight. I'm excited that it's casual this year because I don't feel like dressing up tonight. I'm wondering if I'll end up sleeping over with the boys again this year. Last year everyone left except for me and Brian, so Kenny, Bryan, Brian and I broke out a bottle of Jack and watched a movie. Being the gentlemen that they are, they let the lady pick the movie. Given this responsibility (and remembering that I was in the company of 3 guys--2 of which are quite macho) I suggested movies such as King Kong, Identity, and Rush Hour. All three of these movies were shot down so the boys decided that they would pick the movie. After 15 minutes of arguing, Bryan wanted to watch one movie, Kenny wanted to watch another, and Brian wanted to watch both and couldn't decide. They used me as their deciding factor. What were my choices? I had to choose whether we were watching Mean Girls or 10 Things I Hate About You. I'm glad I left it up to the MEN to pick the movie!

Other than that, Pam and I start our honors project on Monday. Excited much? You bet!

Anyhoo, I was sifting through my LiveJournal and Xanga and I stumbled upon this "Year in Review" thing. Since I have yet to do a Year in Review I figured I could recycle this one for 2007. So without further adieu...

Val's 2007 Blogging Year in Review:

Go to your calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2007 post a line of it and post it in your blog. That's your "year in review".

January: After a breif musical interlude (compliments of Doug on the ivories) we headed over to Gettysburg. We brought along some serious brain food: gold fish crackers, honey buns, and fruit by the foot. After visiting almost every monument on the self guided tour, we finished at PA's kick as monument. We payed our respects to Private Fangboner and Private Woodcock. We also learned that Isaac Newton and Eddy Murphy served in PA's infantry. And for those of you in the Masque, we found Private Sullivan, Private Costello, Private McGee (with multiple spellings), Private Henderson, Private McBride, and Private Neff. Amy and Doug were frantically trying to find a Nickerson or a Phelan on the infantry list. I took one look at the names and came to the logical conclusion that "My people weren't here yet." Amy came close with a Nickleson.

February: YoungStephQC: im sorry, val....want me to smack my router around for you?

March: So much stress. Stress flowing out of my ears.

April: Please make my filthy quadmates clean up their shit and learn that there is more to life than who is sucking off whom.

May: Spending some quality time with Auntie and Sister made a big difference in everything and I'd probably still be stupid without them. I also would have never finished my cheese steak without Auntie Meg. Oh, and I ordered my first Pat's steak correctly. WOOT!

June: Not Fun:
-Being mauled by girl scouts at 8:00 in the morning

July: (no entries)

August: (no entries)

September: Theman is single-handedly one of the best guys I've ever met in my entire life. And something tells me he doesn't hear that nearly as often as he should. Tis the reason I am voicing my opinion right now.

October: "I'm looking for my heart song."

November: ...Oops.

December: Anyhoo, as I was sorting through this pile, I stumbled upon my monologue I used for a Benefit Talent Show I helped out with my senior year. I wanted to share it with you because it was probably my favorite monologue I performed in high school. Not to mention that Miss Pamela Woodward and Miss Megan McGee will probably enjoy it as much as I did!

*Twinkle Out*

Don't Want to Go Back to School

2008-01-03T18:48:00.000-05:00

Compliments of John Sehi

Sesame auditions are coming up, and by coming up I mean they're happening Saturday morning. I don't know how I feel about them. Am I really prepared to deal with another summer of immature high school co-workers and even more immature adults who some how make a living off if this gig? I honestly don't know how much I want it anymore. Just the thought of some of my closest friends not being there anymore makes me wonder where all of the fun is going to come from. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

In other news, I realized that making a To Do list for winter break was a dumb idea. I haven't gotten any of the major things accomplished that I wanted to, although I still have time to do so. I've had so much fun this break and I don't want it to end. Thanks to this incomplete To Do list I feel somewhat guilty about having fun now. I wish I knew why. It's not like anything important was on that To Do list. And heaven knows I wouldn't take back any of the time I spent having fun to complete it either! Oh well...screw To Do lists!

Okay, so I'm not too good at this mindless rambling thing, so I guess I'll just quit while I'm ahead.

*Twinkle Out*

And I just felt like adding this recent cartoon that John sent me since he has an uncanny way of finding comics that satirically match my life. And so I give you: the future of me and John's conversations:

And now I'm leaving you with one last comic that I stumbled upon. Welcome to Val, Dan, John, and Amy's winter break (post Christmas morning):

Falling Awake

2007-12-30T16:38:00.001-05:00

Disclaimer*: This entry is more rhetorical than anything. I hate the fact that I have to put this here, but seeing how some people get so easily offended these days I feel it's appropriate.

No matter what I do in life, it always seems like I choose what's wrong for me. I always stand in the wrong check out lines in stores. I chose science over English (meaning I chose what I liked over what I was good at). I choose to help people when I know they're just going to stab me in the back in return. I chose dance class over marching band. I choose to believe myself when I think I'm not good enough for something. I choose to care about people who are not going to return the sentiment. I choose to forgive instead of hold a grudge. I choose to see things through to the end long after people have given up. I choose to be trustworthy to people who cannot be the same for me. And the list can go on and on with these trivial matters.

All these things have failed me in some respect or another. However, the one choice that hasn't failed me has been my choice to stay silent instead of saying how I feel. People always tell you to not keep things bottled up inside, and to talk to someone if something is bothering you. They're right. I've seen it work. It just seems to make things worse in my case. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I did something somewhere along the line to be in this position. All I know is that I don't want to talk about how I feel anymore. Please, don't get me wrong. I'm not going on a people-are-not-to-be-trusted streak, because there are people who can be trusted. It's just that I feel like in order to not choose incorrectly anymore then I'm going to have to not choose at all, for now at least. It's probably going to suck big time, but at least it'll be a nice break from being disappointed most of the time. I'm never going to stop being there for people I care about, I'm never going to learn how to hold a grudge against someone who I'm just going to forgive anyway, and I'm never going to stop helping people who may/may not deserve it because that is who I am. I wouldn't call it being a pushover as long as you know where to construct the emotional boundaries.

I apologize for such a depressing entry. I guess too much Grey's Anatomy can be poisonous for a person's mood. As usual, I just don't know where to turn some times. It just sucks that my GPS system can't bail me out of this one.

Eagle in the dark
Feathers in the pages.
Monkeys in my heart
Are rattling their cages.

Found a way to blue
And another ghost to follow
Said “it’s only up to you”
And that’s the hardest pill to swallow.

You never get to choose
You live on what they sent you
And you know they’re gonna use
The things you love against you.

One foot in the grave
One foot in the shower
There’s never time to save
You’re paying by the hour.

And that’s just the way it goes
Falling awake
And that’s just the way it goes

In No Particular Order

2007-12-20T01:49:00.000-05:00

It's that time of the year again! Time for the top 15 list. Okay, maybe it's not that time of the year, but I feel like it is. There is also a good chance that I won't be in a writing mood closer to New Years, so I might as well take advantage of it now.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, this is the top 15 list of things you want to say to people, but can't bring yourself to do so. I'm inserting this edit after reading Papa's blog, because he definitely said it best: "If you feel you're on here, and you truly want to know, ask. I'm not about lying to people. You don't need to know who number 7 is, but you should have the right to know when it's you."
So far I think I balanced it out very well. There are 5 good ones, 5 bad ones, and 5 basically neutral ones. Enjoy...

Val's Top 15 of 2007

1. Whenever I'm with you I feel as if I'm looking into a mirror. Not necessarily in the respect of looks, skill, or interests (although we have many of them in common), but more along the lines of how we view the world and other people. If I ever need to find someone who understands my twisted mind, I know I will always have you! I'm pretty sure you feel the same way about me. I know I'll never be top on your list, but I just wanted to let you know that you top mine. I'm sorry for all the times I annoyed you and for all the times I disappointed you. I'm just the way that I am and there is no changing that sometimes. I just hope one day you will be as proud of me as I am of you.

2. You are by far the person who has made the biggest mistake in your life ever. I have to say as much as I'm relieved that you have done so, I wish every day that you hadn't done it. I will never understand what put you in that sort of position in the first place, but what I do know is that you were, are, and always will be the most unworthy person I've ever met. Besides all of that, I wish things had turned out more in your favor. The only thing wrong with that wish is because it's not intended to make your life happier. If you truly understood the meaning of true love, you'd know what I am talking about. I hope that one day you will.

3. Words cannot describe how amazing you are, but since this is a blog and all I have are words, I'm going to attempt this anyway: You are probably the soul reason I made it through LaSalle this year (so far). I don't know what I would have done, who I would be, or what would have become of me without you in my life. You are the epitome of "best friend" and no one can argue otherwise and hope to win. If everyone had a friend like you in their lives, there would be no more sadness in this world. I wish you nothing less than incessant happiness and success in your life because you deserve it all and more. Those who do not call you a friend are clinically deprived.

4. I don't know what happened to you. Absolutely no clue! All I know is I want the old you back. I want back my friend who was considerate, selfless, and not so completely oblivious to the world around him/her as you have become. You have become nothing more than a proximity mine and I have no choice but to be head of the bomb squad. It's not fair. Your irrationality makes you, me, and everyone around you uncomfortable and miserable. Unfortunately, you're so close minded at this point that I can't help you realize that. I just hope you don't lose any friends over it.

5. You are not mysterious. You are not weak. You are not a bad person. You are not going to fail. You are more amazing than you will ever allow yourself to believe. You've severely mistaken your self worth because you are nothing more than self defeating. If you took one day of your life (any day) and looked at yourself through the eyes of one of your true friends, you may finally understand just how meaningful your existence on this earth is. I don't know what I'd do without you, but I do know that I am not alone in feeling this way. You deserve to be happy. Try to work on that. And if happiness ever falls in short supply, never hesitate to seek out someone in your life who is able to turn the tables. You may never know the impact someone may have on your life unless you give them a chance. The only thing left I feel needs to be said in your case is that there is a huge difference in what is right and what is easy. You of all people need to discover what that means in your life.

6. Something good will come of this. No matter how much you don't want it to, something good will come of it. It has to. There simply is no alternative. I know I've done nothing to make you believe otherwise, so it's all on you from here on out.

7. I've never known anyone to be as cut-throat as you. I'm not going to go around telling everyone what you did, because I'm better than that. I just wanted to say you're welcome. You're welcome for everything I spoon-fed you. It's gotten you everything you wanted so far. Unfortunately, I know better now so you'll have to finish the remainder of your time here without my guidance. Good luck.

8. I wish you strength. I wish you joy. I wish you courage. I wish you nothing but the best because I hate to see you like this. I'm not going to lie to you. You know I never will. However, you do know that I am always here for you 24/7 no matter what. I know I'll never truly top your list either, but please know that you are very important to me and to everyone else that matters in your life.

9. I never thought I'd ever come to hate someone, until I met you. Your knack for ruining your life and the lives of people around you is truly unmatched. You created a fantasy world of your own and dragged me unwillingly into the middle of it. I hope you profoundly enjoy filling people's heads with lies, because it has done nothing but cause trouble. You need to act your own age for once in your life, you need to learn that "intimate" and "inanimate" are not synonyms, and most of all: you need to stuff your mouth with arsenic and sew it shut with a dull needle.

10. We work so well together it scares me sometimes! I'm so lucky to have a friend like you in my life because there is never a dull moment when we are together. You make my day in so many ways and I have to admit that my day feels incomplete if you're not a part of it. When I see my life 10 years from now, you are one of the first people I see standing beside me. We have an awesome friendship and I thank you everyday for it.

11. If there is anyone on this planet who consistently ruins my self esteem, it's you. It's you and it's not supposed to be you. It's you and I don't want it to be you anymore. I don't know if it's because I'm the easiest target or what. All I know is that no matter how much I try to tune you out, you still hurt me. Please stop because it's not supposed to be like this.

12. You are adorable! We do not spend nearly as much time together as we should. This is something we most definitely need to change. We make quite the dynamic duo, and there is never a shortage of laughter and smiles when we're together. I'm so grateful that we have become so close over the past few years. You are not only a best friend, you are an inspiration. Put it this way: baby, I'm amazed by you!

13. There are only two words that describe what you've become this year: "conniving" and "failure". It really upsets me to have to say that, but it's true. For one brief moment this year I felt like I talked to my friend. Other than that, you've pretty much been dead to me all year. Feeling this way about you hurts me a lot because I used to look up to you so much.

14. What...did you...DO?!?! I want to try and get to know you again. I honestly do. I just don't see it working out. You are no where near the person you used to be and I have a terrible feeling that my best friend is gone for good. I really wish you would consider changing your lifestyle because you are headed toward a dead end. I don't want to see that happen to you. You're too important to me to end up that way.

15. You didn't win...you got lucky. I blame it on timing, I really do. However, please note that you will never catch me off guard ever again. Although I value our friendship highly, you were still the biggest mistake of the year. There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret what happened. Please don't get me wrong though. What happened was not bad at all, but the fact that it happened was something I swore would never occur. As I said, you got lucky. If you want to pride yourself on anything, luck is all you're entitled to.

*Twinkle Out*

F.Y.E.

2007-12-14T21:55:00.000-05:00

This is not exactly the blog entry I wanted to write, but I guess it's because I'm not fully prepared to write the blog entry I intended on writing. It will come soon enough. For now, I would like to leave you with something I think you'll find most amusing (I know I did!). However, before we get into that, here are a few quick highlights:

I PASSED THE PHYSICS FINAL! In turn, I PASSED PHYSICS! Actually, I passed physics two steps above what I thought I was going to get. I thought I was going to end up with a D, but I ended up passing with a C-. I know, I know...not the best grade ever. Honestly though, I don't care because it's way higher than I expected! Also, I'm not too bummed because I calculated my cumulative grade point average with me have a D in physics, a C in organic and A-'s in everything else and I would still pull a 3.01. So the fact that I have a C- instead of a D in physics is AWESOME! Thank goodness Longo curves! Speaking of Longo's grade curves, my homework grade should have rounded out to 78%, but the curve made it an 87%. Thank you to all who were too lazy to do the online homework problems! They counted after all...SURPRISE!

Second quick update, Sweeny Todd was awesome. Definitely go see it!

And now for the more entertaining part of this entry:

As I've mentioned to some of you, my mother has a tendency to use my room for her own personal junk storage while I'm away at school. Some of you expressed that you run into a similar problem. Now, for anyone who's seen my and Megan's side of 233 will know that I am pretty organized when it comes to my stuff. Therefore, imagine me walking into my room on the first day of Christmas break and not being able to get passed the door. Luckily, it wasn't too bad because I knew it was coming. Anyhoo, my plan is to redo (and repaint) my room this break in the hopes that once it's cleaned and organize then my mom will stop filling it with crap. In order to do that, I must first sort through the piles of junk that my mother as strewn about the room. I took my first step today and partially conquered the mondo pile of crap that was on my floor. It's not totally gone yet, but I threw away an exploding trash bag full of stuff and you can see a significantly larger portion of my floor now. Phew! One step at a time...Anyhoo, as I was sorting through this pile, I stumbled upon my monologue I used for a Benefit Talent Show I helped out with my senior year. I wanted to share it with you because it was probably my favorite monologue I performed in high school. Not to mention that Miss Pamela Woodward and Miss Megan McGee will probably enjoy it as much as I did! So now I present to you:

Skinny
By Monica Hesse

Some people try to use nice words to describe skinny people. They call us "petite", "slender", and (my personal favorite) "small boned". But to me, that's like calling people with big feet "good ground packers". It might sound nice, but it doesn't change the fact that their shoes are often mistaken for Noah's Ark.

Other people think that my small stature is both useful and entertaining. Whenever a ring or other piece of jewelery has fallen through a small hole, like a drain, or behind a couch, or down a rat-infested sewer, I, with my small hands and tiny wrists, am called upon to fish it out. I am also quite popular in dance class: "Monica, we'd like to try picking up someone by their earlobe, spinning them around at 9000 miles an hour, and then releasing them in the direction of the ceiling, thereby propelling them toward the high speed, jet powered fan. You're skinny, can we try it on you?"

You don't get much sympathy being thin, either. My mother treats it like it's some mysterious illness ("Monica can't come out and play, she's skinny today"). During family gatherings, she occasionally tries to pass me off as an Ethiopian refugee who hasn't eaten for sixteen days. Otherwise, my relatives might notice my lack of mass and accuse her of "not feeding me properly." This is a touchy subject with my mother, who always fears that there is a direct correlation between her bad cooking and my fast metabolism.

One week, in an attempt to "fatten me up," she only cooked meals with more fat content than Luciano Pavarotti. This plan backfired when she and my stepfather gained ten pounds and I lost two. We spent the next week eating only seaweed and bean sprouts.

Buying underwear is another problem. There are simply no bras in my size. I'm forced to shop in the juniors department where all the brassieres sport embarrassing pictures and slogans like, "Little Miss Inverted Chest," and "You're on Your Way to Becoming a Woman Training Bra." Training bras were a concept I could never understand. Training for what? God only knows. Certainly not the Breast Olympics, mine would never make it past time trials.

Don't get my wrong - I'm not complaining too much here. After all, I'm nearly 18 and I'm still admitted with children's fare at the movies. However, just once in my life, I wouldn't mind being able to wear a halter-style top without worrying about the strength of the elastic. I would love to be able to fill a bikini with my curvaceous hips and womanly figure, and stand around with all of my other well-endowed friends as we gawk at all the passerby. "Don't you just hate that girl," we would whisper viciously, "She's so skinny!"

*Twinkle Out*

Accomplished?

2007-11-20T02:05:00.000-05:00

So much out of the way! Pam and I laid out our entire project this afternoon and now I'm extremely excited! Now what do we do? We go on break. Now that I'm excited and my adrenaline is pumping it's time to rest. Hopefully I'll be able to accomplish a lot over the break. I mean, heck I got a lot done just today. Yet, why do I still sense a feeling of unaccomplishment washing over me? Oh well. I'll just fall back on Tick Tick Boom:

Come To Your Senses

You're on the air, I'm under ground.
Signal's fading, can't be found.
I finally open up.
For you I would do anything,
But you've turned off the volume
Just when I've begun to sing.

Come to your senses,
Defenses are not the way to go,
And you know, or at least you knew.
Everything's strange, you've changed,
And I don't know what to do to get through,
I don't know what to do.

I have to laugh,
You sure put on a show.
Love is passe in this day and age,
How can we expect it to grow?

You as the night.
Me as the dream.
All I've got tonight
Is static on a screen.

Come to your senses,
The fences inside are not for real
If we feel as we did, and I do.

Can't you recall when this all began?
It was only you and me.
It was only me and you.

But now the air is
Filled with confusion.
We replace care with illusion.

It's cool to be cold.
Nothing lasts anymore.
Love becomes disposable,
This is the shape of things
We cannot ignore.

Come to your senses,
Suspense is fine if your just an
Empty image emanating out
Of a screen.

Baby be real, you can feel again,
You don't need a music box melody
To know what I mean.

Deep in my eyes, what do you see?
Deep in my sighs, listen to me:
Let the music commence from inside
Not only one sense, but use all five.

Come to your senses.
Come to your senses.
Come to your senses.
Baby come back
Alive!

*Twinkle Out*

Awkward Much?

2007-11-12T20:50:00.000-05:00

ValPal2238: blah

YoungStephQC: boo
ValPal2238: bop

YoungStephQC: bleep
ValPal2238: blop

YoungStephQC: beep

ValPal2238: ba-dum

YoungStephQC: ching
ValPal2238: plink
YoungStephQC: splat
ValPal2238: spoof
YoungStephQC: zap
ValPal2238: zip
YoungStephQC: zop
ValPal2238: slap
YoungStephQC: pow
ValPal2238: plop
YoungStephQC: swoosh
ValPal2238: kazaam
YoungStephQC: i used to love that movie
ValPal2238: HAHAHA

And that is why I love talking to Stephan.

So I spent all of sitting at the table today writing a note to Pam about my effed-up awkward day. It was awkward in a humorous day though. It was a lot of Organic Chem jokes (I know, they exist!) in which she would be one of the few to understand, so I'll spare you. However, one awkward moment that happened in Organic Chem that everyone can grasp is when we were working on solving an equation on the board which involved the production of an amene:

Dr. Price: ".A scientist's most useful tool is his nose. Therefore, if you're in the lab and you smell fish then you know you are working with an amene."
(Muffled chuckles by all the males in the room)
Sensing he said something inappropriate, Price continued to alter his previous statement and used "rotting flesh" instead of "fish". The situation did not improve...

I kind of wanted to pull a Joe Kain and nervous cough then dash out of 329, but I stayed.

Last awkwardness of the night (as of 9:12PM) was the random IM from Creeper telling me how awesome the musical was Saturday night and how great I was in it. (Cue nervous cough...again).

*Twinkle Out*

UPDATE: Awkwardness meter has been raised! 9:15 Megan walked in on our quadmate and her boyfriend making out. GOODNIGHT!

UPDATE 2: 10:31PM Basil Laundry Room - I'm putting my laundry in the wash when I turn around and see Joe Kain getting his laundry out of the dryer in nothing but his sweat shorts. NOTHING. No shirt, boxers, socks, pants, nothing. Just sweat shorts. As Megan said, "Val, why do you always get to see Joe half naked?"

What Not To Do Before Hell Week:

2007-11-04T13:36:00.000-05:00

1. Be on the verge of tears...for multiple reasons.

2. Feel completely and utterly alone.

3. Not understand Organic Chemistry

4. Not have your physics homework done before the week starts.

5. Fall asleep during important classes.

6. Complain about your life in your blog.

...Oops.

*Twinkle Out*

Compliments of Megan

2007-10-28T22:01:00.001-04:00

Happy Feet has the best quotes!

*Twinkle Out*

Snippet

2007-09-24T12:02:00.000-04:00

"We can form beliefs slowly or quickly. Studies have shown startling aspects of how we can generate and hold onto a belief. People who buy a computer-generated lotto ticket for a dollar are reluctant to part with it if offered more money for it seconds afer its purchase. Offering two bucks--a 100% increase in their investment--doesn't do it. In many instances the offer has to be extended to twenty bucks. Why? Why do we hold on to our beliefs--new or old? Interestingly, it turns out that scientists are slower to change their views in the face of new data than preachers." - Michael S. Gazzaniga

Organic Chemistry test: 80%
SO much better than failing! Ok, so technically it's a 74% because there were 6 "grace points", but hey, whatever affects my GPA. Next step: stop falling asleep during Organic Chem.

Speaking of sleep, I'm going to go take a nap now if I want any chance of making it through Alchemy.

*Twinkle Out*

A Spot of Sarcasm

2007-09-24T01:33:00.000-04:00

-It's funny how whenever someone opens their mouth, things go down the tubes in so many ways.

-It's funny how fear and jealousy can turn even the best of friends against each other for no good reason.

-It's funny how some people who you trust to say what they mean don't always mean what they say.

-It's funny to watch someone bend over backwards in order to be kicked in the face.

-It's funny how some people can talk about someone behind their back only because they feel threatened by said person.

-It's even funnier when the reason they feel threatened by said person is simply a figment of their imagination.

-It's funny to watch logic and reason fly out the fucking window.

-It's funny how some people think "inanimate" and "intimate" are synonyms.

So I guess for now the lies are all we have left to paint the sky blue each day.

"I know I’ll never trust a single thing you say.
You knew your lies would divide us, but you lied anyway.
And all the lies have got you floating up above us all,
But what goes up has got to fall."

*Twinkle Out*

Oh, What A Night

2007-09-22T03:07:00.001-04:00

Up and about once again with stuff on my mind that I can't seem to get out straight. I really should be sleeping right now because I have dance rehearsal tomorrow all day. Ah, dance rehearsal. One thing I know I cannot fail at! And I need this more than ever right now. I mean, the chance to just get up on stage and dance my stress away. It's the one thing I hate about college: not having the stress release that came from dancing. And after dancing all day I finally get to be AWAY from this fricken campus! I'm totally up for that! Plus, I'd like to see "Trad" in its full run instead of just a preview. The fact that it was as entertaining as it was during the preview (sans props, costumes, set, lighting, and sound) gives me high hopes for tomorrow night. What else can you expect from Philly Fringe's finest? (Way to go, Jess!)

Oh and guess what! Me, Dan, Stephan, Katie W, Dave A, and Doug played the Peer Educator sponsored Quizzo and WON! Yeah, we were in third for the entire game and ended up landing first at the end of the last round by ONE point. Props to Dan for recognizing The Fallout Boys music! But anyway, now we each have $50 gift certificates to Target. I'm in for Dave's idea of all of us pulling our money and buying one really cool thing. Haha, Dave actually wants us to buy a my-size realistic pony that responds to touch. Somehow I don't think Dan and Doug will throw their end of the money in on that deal...

After that we went back to A-4 for some good old Guitar Hero. By the end of the night, eh...let's just say it was interesting. Actually, it was pretty damn funny from my end, but that's because it's me and this is my life. This is what I get for minding my own business and being a good person and friend. And contrary to popular belief, it doesn't bother me at all. It's just one more source of amusement.

*Twinkle Out*

Jesus Speaks Through iTunes

2007-09-21T01:27:00.000-04:00

This entry is inspired by an extremely awkward dream I had this afternoon while napping. And thanks to that nap, I'm wide awake now. So I'm going to do this instead of going to bed. Wee!

If my life were a movie, this would be the soundtrack
How to do it:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc).
2. Put it on Shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Be honest.

My life is a:
"Whatsername" by Green Day.
(Eh...possibly)

OPENING CREDITS:
"We're Dancing" by Centerstage
(Yes, this is opening credits material. Especially because it is teh opening credits for Centerstage I believe.)

WAKING UP
"Every Breath You Take" from Police
(Well, isn't this a depressing way to start the day...)

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL:
"Strangers Like Me" by Phil Collins
(Haha, accurate!)

FALLING IN LOVE
"I Won't Say I'm In Love" by Hercules
(Hmmm...my favorite song from a Disney movie sung by my favorite Disney movie character...yup!)

FIGHT SONG:
"Oh Industry" by Bette Midler
(This is fairly hardcore. Maybe if the fight took place in a factory.)

BREAKING UP
"The Sign" by Ace of Base
(PERFECT)

PROM
"My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne
(Wow, this would make for a terrible prom song! However, I guess it could follow up my prom in a sense.)

LIFE IS GOOD
"Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake
(Wow...not even gonna start!)

MENTAL BREAKDOWN
"Don't Drink the Water" by DMB
(Very good!)

DRIVING
"You Can't Stop the Beat" from Hairspray
(I LOVE driving to this song! It's actually in my "Driving Songs" playlist.)

FLASHBACK:
"Thank You" by Dido
(Well, this explains a lot.)

GETTING BACK TOGETHER
"True to Your Heart" by 98 Degrees
(Aw, that's cute I guess!)

WEDDING
"Someday" from the Wedding Singer
(Well, close enough.)

FINAL BATTLE:
"2000 Watts" by Michael Jackson
(I guess I could rock this.)

DEATH SCENE:
"I Need You Tonight" by the Backstreet Boys
(I guess this would work if someone loved me...)

FUNERAL SONG
"Survivor" by Destiny's Child
(I just thought the irony in this was too perfect!)

END CREDITS
"Seasons of Love" from Rent
(I would love this to be the ending credits of my life. That would be beautiful!)

Alrighty, well this didn't work out quite as well as it did the last time I did this. Oh well! Time to put my laundry away, shower, and sleep.

*Twinkle Out*

Did You Know?

2007-09-19T07:33:00.001-04:00

20 years ago on this very date (September 19th) at this very time (7:33AM) I came out of a uterus.

Phew! And I thought tackling this Organic Chem Test was going to be rough!

*Twinkle Out*

No Really, I'm Studying!

2007-09-18T19:45:00.001-04:00

I know I should be studying Organic Chem right now, and I SWEAR I'm getting on it after this! I just found this to be quite interesting:

Have you ever gotten to a point in your life where absolutely everything seemed as if it were up in the air? I really wish something would happen. I just need an outcome of any kind. Preferably a good one. Everything that matters in my life right now is a toss-up and it's driving me up a wall.

That is an excerpt from one of my older entries from the beginning of March last year. Is it just me, or is my life following an extremely cyclical pattern? All I have to say is that I'm not going to sit around and twiddle my thumbs anymore. Sometimes answers are what you want, but not what you need. Sometimes knowing that you did everything you could possibly do is enough to ease the "what-ifs".

Other blurbs:

-I'm no longer Basil RSA Treasurer, I'm Basil RSA Publicity Coordinator with Joe Kain. At least this will broaden my resume. Organizational skills last year, creativity skills this year. I can swing it!

-Um...I got a job...as Elmo...not at Sesame Place. WHY?!?!?

-My and Megan's room is going to officially be done as of tomorrow. Pimpin'

Now I will leave you to do what I should have been doing for the past 1/2 an hour: Studying Organic Chemistry!

*Twinkle Out*

Trust A Try

2007-09-08T03:48:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry I haven't updated in such a while. I had this awesome idea for an update over the summer. It was basically full of everything that made my summer so awesome. However, I never got around to it. So now I'm here at four o'clock in the morning feeling the first bit of real solice I've felt since I moved back to school. It's a mixture of realizing how lucky I am that I had such an awesome ending to my summer and how lucky I am to have people at LaSalle who really care about me (and who I care about as well). This is all because being back at school has broken me down already and I'm only on week two.

I'm not going to explain all that's going on, so if that's all you're looking for then you can stop reading at this point. I just wanted to put it out there that I'm sorry I'm such a pathetic broken record, and that I appreciate everyone's insight and advice. Seriously, I do. I have friends I've known for years who wouldn't be there for me like you guys have these past few utterly confusing weeks. I just wish I could put into words how much that means to me.

Not to weigh anyone's help over another's, but I really have to give a lot of credit to Dan. Theman is single-handedly one of the best guys I've ever met in my entire life. And something tells me he doesn't hear that nearly as often as he should. Tis the reason I am voicing my opinion right now.

Alright, that's pretty much all I needed to get out for now. Sorry to those who have no idea what I'm talking about. To those who know what I'm talking about all too well: you guys rock my world!

*Twinkle Out*

P.S. Someone very wise *COUGH* Pam *COUGH* once told me that "God speaks through iTunes." I guess that's what I get for putting my iPod on random. Anyhoo, its ironic influence is lurking somewhere in the depths of this entry...

Bye Bye For Now!

2007-06-28T02:24:00.000-04:00

The family is going on a cruise and we're leaving Friday morning. I'm typing this now because I have a feeling my mom is going to be on my ass about packing all day tomorrow.

Once again, for those of you who aren't doing anything today (Thursday), and are near/around the Bensalem area, call/text me. I'm Elmo at the Bucks County Trade Show. Should be a blast...

By the way, 1408 was awesome! I highly reccomend it.

And with that, I'm leaving you with this quiz. I hope you enjoy:

You scored as Abby Cadabby, You are Abby Cadabby! The newest addition to the Sesame Street crew, you are unique and stand out from the crowd. You tend to be on the girly side, but that doesn't fool anyone! Not only are you opinionated, but you enjoy educating yourself about the world around you. Although shy at first, you make friends fast and love to play. You have a tendency to "disappear" when a conflict arises, but you are brave enough to return and calmly approach your fears when ready.

Ernie

89%

Abby Cadabby

89%

Rosita

71%

Bert

64%

Prairie Dawn

61%

Elmo

61%

Grover

61%

Cookie Monster

61%

Telly Monster

61%

Zoe

54%

Oscar the Grouch

54%

Count Von Count

54%

Big Bird

43%

Which Sesame Street Character Are You? (Many outcomes)
created with QuizFarm.com

*Twinkle Out*

P.S. I'm kind of interested to see if the Sesame characters I linked you guys as are similar to what your personalities match. If you're bored and take the quiz, lemme know who you get ;-) Au revoir!

Time Flies

2007-06-25T01:35:00.000-04:00

Oh so much to talk about! Too bad I'm not awake enough to talk about it. Hmm, I guess that's more too bad for me than it is for you.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to let everyone know that if you are free sometime on Thursday between the hours of 2:00-9:00, stop by the Bucks County Trade show in Bensalem for a hug from Elmo! Yes, that is how I will be spending my Thursday "at work". I'm showing up and getting transported to Bensalem for this trade show. I guess this is The Sheraton's feeble attempt to advertise: "We're located right next to Sesame Place...HERE'S ELMO! See, we're not kidding." What baffles me is the fact that this is not an event that attracts many children. As a matter of fact, there will probably be next to no children there at all. However, for those of you of age: there is a bar there. Just please come! I mean, what else could possibly brighten up your day than getting a hug from and playing with Elmo? Ok, lemme rephrase that: What else could possibly brighten up your day than an open bar and laughing at me in a big, red, furry costume? Seriously, stop by. It would be awesome. And you never know! You may just find out that Bucks County has something FUN to offer...maybe I shouldn't push it. More details about the location are coming soon! Lemme know if you're interested.

Speaking of Sesame, be thankful you didn't have to deal with this all day long:

They would be The Little Maestros. They performed at Sesame Place this weekend. Gag me with a spoon! Their performance made me want to stick pins in my eyes. Not only were their harmonies off, but their entire show looked like it was choregraphed by someone on LSD.

They have three costume characters:
A blue wolf with bling (that actually looks like...well, I don't really know.),

an ice cream cone (that actually looks like an over-flowing cup of Peptobismal),
and a Giant named Quee-Duterus.

Yeah. I don't think I need to go much further. At least they were really nice people. They were fun to talk to, just not to watch.

What could have possibly saved the remainder of my sanity? Evan Almighty with Amy, John, and John's friend Tina. And of course, some Wii to end the night.

*Twinkle Out*

This Makes Me Laugh

2007-06-14T23:51:00.000-04:00

And it should make you laugh too...

*Twinkle Out*

Let's Shake On It

2007-06-09T20:37:00.000-04:00

I have my first legitimate bet going on with my parents this summer. The events in question must occur by the end of the summer, or they lose. The only downside is that they refused to name a price for the victor. They agreed to the angle of me having to fork over everything I earned from Sesame this summer if I lose, but they wouldn't agree to matching half of what I make over the summer if I win. Therefore, the only "prize" I'd get from winning this bet would be something even better and more important to me than money: my parents getting a reality check.

I'm sure other people have gone through the whole "my parents are treating me like a kid on purpose" thing either when they were high school freshmen or college freshmen. Well, I'm neither anymore and I'm kind of sick of being treated as such. It's so much worse now that Jessica is living in the house again (no offense Jess) because I'm no longer the eldest fledgling in the nest. Nevertheless, I'm sick and tired of my parents pegging this stigma on me that I'm completely and utterly oblivious. Mind you, not oblivious as in the typical teenager "world around you" scenario, more like oblivious to "social interpretations" as they liked to call it. My vote is that things are different now then they were when my parents were teens. Call me close-minded, but I know I'm right on this one.

I whole-heatedly admit I'm not always right. As a matter of fact, I'm seldom right on many occasions, but this is one thing I'm positive on. At least I have Chris backing me up on it. I've yet to talk to Amy (which I plan to do once she returns from the beach).

I know this is really not a big deal at all, it's just that my parents are constantly hounding me about it. The incessant teasing is starting to drive me up a wall! So here I am, vaguely explaining my week's irritation to all of you. Oh and by the way, anyone who wants the specifics on what the heck is going on, feel free to call or IM me about it. It's just not something I want to post on here because if read incorrectly, it could cause some serious misinterpretations. Wouldn't want to start any Masque rumors (and by Masque rumors I mean the only people who read this thing and would have the slightest idea of what I'm babbling about are M.o.M.s).

On a side note, I'm really glad that the weather is staying below 90 this week. I really need that. To shorten the amount of boring complaining in this blog entry, let's just say it's going to be a rough week (physically) for me. Goody-goody-gum-drops!

*Twinkle Out*

Quote of the Day:

2007-06-02T23:40:00.001-04:00

Girl Scout: "Abby Cadabby, you have a big head!"

At least I know I'm not alone in seeing this. Maybe I should rephrase that: At least I'm not the only one who isn't ignoring this fact.

Not Fun:
-Being mauled by girl scouts at 8:00 in the morning
-Going to work at 7:15 AM
-Sinus headache all day long (thank you stormy weather!)

Fun:
-Finally getting a picture of me in Abby Cadabby
-Ice cream
-Never Been Kissed, Pleasantville, Ocean's 11, Pirates of the Caribbean, and House. All were on today. Never Been Kissed and Pleasantville at the same time, Ocean's 11 and Pirates at the same time, House at the end. Last night I got to watch the full run of Memoirs of a Geisha. I LOVE that movie!

Now to read before bed. Here's hoping tomorrow is more productive than today. Something tells me it's gonna be a "stuck-in-the-house-doing-calculus-day" all day tomorrow because I feel guilty relaxing when I know that I have to get that fricken course over and done with. Why the hell did I agree to do two calculus course in one summer?

*Twinkle Out*

Thought of the Day

2007-05-30T22:58:00.001-04:00

False hope sucks almost as much as this heat and calculus. Just my thought of the day.

I have off this weekend. I don't understand what's going on. I got off on Memorial Day (never happens) and I have off this weekend (never happens). Actually, a lot of people were off on Memorial Day...mainly college kids because there aren't many of us and we've been working our asses off while the little high schoolers have been in school. That probably explains why I'm off this weekend. I've been working all week and now the little ones can work over the weekend. Makes sense. Well, technically I'm not fully off this weekend because I have a 2 hour shift on Saturday. It's pointless and its from 7:15AM-9:15AM. SUCKS! Oh well. I guess a 26 hour and 15 minute work week is normal when the park is only open til 5 instead of 8. It just blows because we do just as much work on a 10-5 day as we do for a 10-8 day. The only difference? No audience. It's pretty depressing. I guess it doesn't matter as long as we're getting paid. It's good practice for the height of the season.

Speaking of getting paid, not only do I not know when the next pay day for Sesame is, but has anyone gotten a check from LaSalle for senior week? I haven't. Has it been too long?

*Twinkle Out*

Tired + Bored = Copycat

2007-05-29T18:48:00.000-04:00

*Twinkle Out*

Change of Scenery

2007-05-25T01:20:00.000-04:00

Changed things up a bit. No more Yoshi's story. I found more blogs and ran out of Yoshis. It's a nice change.

Although looking at it I'm reminded that I need to be at work by 10:30 tomorrow. I think that means it's time for bed!

*Twinkle Out*

Quick Blurbs

2007-05-24T12:55:00.000-04:00

-So John and I played Yoshi's story last night. I thought that was fitting for this blog. It was quite hilarious. For those of you who have ever played the game, you know there is a lot about it that can be made fun of.

-While we're on that note, I got my first taste of Wii last night. Conclusions: I can Wii fish very well, I should never join the rodeo, oh and I beat the shit out of John in boxing twice. I find that funny because it would be totally opposite if John and I boxed in real life.

-Mama, John tried to show me Super Monkeyball. I know you told me I had to see it. He couldn't find it. You must hang out with us soon and we'll tear his basement apart to find the game so you guys can show me.

-I have a meeting for Sesame today. They SUCK. Bigtime. Three hours of us sitting there and listening to our managers lecture us on how we're not meeting our Injury Reduction Goals already. So what if our goal was to have no heat related injuries in May and we already have 1? Did you honestly expect anything less? I think the only good part about this going to be A)Eating free pizza or B)Leaving. It's kind of odd because this will be my third year as an Entertainer and I've never managed to make it to one of these meetings even though they're mandatory. Something always got in the way. So who knows? Maybe this could be interesting after all.

-I'm totally taking a break from Calc today. No one will stop me! BWAHAHA!

-So Jess, when are you coming home? I kinda of need someone over the age of 16 and under the age of 30 around to be spontaneous with. Guess what...You're it! Oh and I found out I get 20% off at Cheeburger Cheeburger (Thank you Sesame!) so how about another Sisters'-Night-Out-With-Some-Dinner excursion? I promise I won't make you get some huge dessert that makes you want to puke from being too full this time!

-Good luck Jess on your test. Don't fail. I don't think Nova will pay for you to repeat a semester. No pressure! And I'm glad I said your favorite phrase of the day!

-Oh and just because LaTeR is what I used to sign off my blog since LiveJournal, Xanga, and MySpace, it feels slightly...I don't know...middle school to me now. Plus I absolutely can't stand people wHo tyPe LyKE ThIss. I think that was the basis of its origin. To make fun of those people. There were quite a few of them in middle school. So to break through with the new (and really "get into character" for the summer) I'm stealing Abby Cadabby's sign off from now on. So for now peeps...

*Twinkle Out*

NEWS FLASH

2007-05-23T19:43:00.000-04:00

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this special news bulletin:

I kicked calculus's ass! WOOT! 95.83% on the chapter 2 quiz with a 98.08% for the course overall.

BOOYA!

And now to return you to your normally scheduled program.

You+Me=Us

2007-05-23T14:39:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling really restless and really unaccomplished lately. Could be because there are certain things in my life I haven't done yet and want to do that are looming over my head. It makes me feel like the things I have done just aren't enough. For instance:

I've been doing Calculus for 2 days straight with this being my 3rd. I'm currently studying for my chapter 2 quiz and patiently awaiting an email back from my teacher with help on the one problem out of the entire chapter I can't seem to solve. I've been doing Calculus so much that John came over and took time out of his work to help me with it. (By the way, he's my official hero for teaching me a trick that made the entirety of chapter 2 section 6 a sinch!) ANYWAY, the course itself isn't even supposed to technically "start" until Friday and I'm almost done with chapter 2. I'd say that's pretty damn good! But I don't feel like I've done anything. Why? Because I'd rather be:

-Washing my car
-Playing guitar hero (yeah...yeah...don't even say it.)
-Reading "Breakfast of Champions" by Kurt Vonnegut
-Hanging out with people.
-Getting out of the house, maybe?

But my better judgements keep telling me to stay parked in front of my computer screen and keep doing calculus...until I die. Or finish the course. Which ever comes first. Maybe taking two courses in one summer wasn't a smart idea after all.

I think it's because I'm worried. I'm not back into the "Sesame Swing" as I like to call it. I come home from work and I'm dead. The last thing I can do is see straight, let alone do calculus. I'm afraid that I'll fall behind in my calc work and never get my requirements done in time because I won't have enough strength to do homework after work. And then I tell myself, "It's the same every year. The first two weeks suck, but you perk up after a while. It's not so bad.". But for now, it seems impossible, which is why I'm rushing to accomplish as much calc as I can stand on these precious few days off I have left. It's like a war between What-I-Should-Be-Doing and What-I-Want-To-Do in my head and it's driving me nuts. I know, I know, it's not the most pressing subject of the day, but it's all I have to talk about. Not complaining, just trying to sort things out for my own sanity.

So once again the What-I-Should-Be-Doing triumphs. Maybe I'll take a break later and wash my car because being able to see out of the front of my car tends to improve my driving. As for now, it's back to the books and sitting around waiting for a phone call that will never come...

Oh what the fuck...CUE THE SESAME MUSIC:

"It's another sunny day
For something fun to do!
Another sunny day
For learning something new!
There's so much to discover,
So come on out and play!
On another like no other sunny day!

Sunny days with friends,
Oh what can be better?
We need a perfect way to spend it together.
We've got a big idea or two
Of all the things that we can do.
Something fun for everyone
All we gotta do is choose,
'Cause there are
So many adventures waiting
For me and for you,
Just as soon as we figure out
What we're gonna do!"

LaTeR

P.S. Stolen from Sara because it made me giggle:

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

How Was I To Know?

2007-05-18T22:58:00.000-04:00

How was I to know that loading printer software onto my laptop was going to take a half an hour? Darn it! Oh well, I need it if I'm going to get through calculus this summer.

How was I to know that watching the Grey's Anatomy season finale after work was going to depress me something awful for the rest of the night?

How was I to know that Abby Cadabby was going to be this popular already? Sheesh! She was on one, maybe two episodes. How the hell is she some kids' favorite? I don't understand. This is a picture of her (no it's not me in there):

Her...head...hurts...like a bitch. It may not look large in this picture, but those pigtails are a wide load and they are heavy! It's a good thing she's so freakin' adorable.

How was I to know that dancing full out for the first time after 3 or more weeks of not dancing equals an asthma attack?

How was I to know that the online lectures for my calculus course weren't enabled yet? I thought I was supposed to have access to them last Wednesday. Wasn't that the point of "finishing the course early?": getting a head start.

How was I to know that "Free Cookout Day" at work really meant it was "Free Food, but Will Make You Feel Like You're Going to Vomit if You Dance in the Parade Shortly After Consuming it Day."?

How was I to know that no matter what I say, or feel, or do, or choose, that this summer is going to be filled with more awkwardness than I even want to think about right now. I wish it was the funny kind of awkwardness, but it's not going to be.

LaTeR

"...It's your cute little friend, so pick up your cell!"

2007-05-15T00:35:00.000-04:00

A lot of things have been getting me down lately. Things I've been worried about, things that have been said, actions that have gone terribly wrong. It's a very stressful time. Then again, graduation tends to be like that...even if you're not the one graduating.

Upon returning home, I'm glad to admit that things are starting to look up. I don't have to worry about getting registered for math at Bucks over the summer because it's all done now. What's even better is the fact that the professor is AMAZING and sweet enough to set up a special situation for me: she's letting me take both Calc 1 and Calc 2 this summer. Calc 1 was offered in either the first or second summer course sessions, but Calc 2 was only offered in the first summer course session. Since Calc 1 is a prerequisite for Calc 2, it was impossible to get both done this summer. However, the professor set it up so that as soon as I'm done with Calc 1 I can move on to Calc 2. Ok, so it's not going to be a fun summer, but I'm gonna have two courses done in one summer and not have to worry about catching myself up for my major! Next step? Passing...

Other than that, I picked my sister up from dance today. I know the girls I danced with didn't give a crap about me because they went to a different school and, let's just say...we're from different worlds. What I learned tonight though is that the younger girls looked up to me just as much as they did the other older girls. I got big hugs from some of the younger girls I used to compete with and look after. It was really touching. It's hard going to a new dance studio for only two years because you have no time to really establish yourself within a family that has grown up together. Therefore, tonight made me realize I did have an impact and I did leave my mark. And it was in the hearts of the future generation of Wendy's dancers. To tell you the truth, my generation of Wendy's dancers can kiss my non-existent left nut because my comfort and confidence is in their successors.

What else has been on my mind lately? Sesame. HA...next.

Had a lot of heart to hearts on Sunday. So many things to think about that I don't even know where to begin. I'd like to say I made up my mind because, well...ok I have, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, I have to admit that my first excursion to Pat's was a memorable one. Spending some quality time with Auntie and Sister made a big difference in everything and I'd probably still be stupid without them. I also would have never finished my cheese steak without Auntie Meg. Oh, and I ordered my first Pat's steak correctly. WOOT! And the guy at the cash register got as big of a kick out of it as I did:

Cashier: "What would you like sweetie?"
Me: "One Whiz witout please."
Cashier: "You got it."
Me: (turned to Meg) "I did it!"
Cashier: (mimicking my voice) "You did it!"

Speaking of Megan, she lent me a Kurt Vonnegut book entitled "Breakfast of Champions". It is excellent! Not only am I at the part in the story where the character is searching for a story he wrote to be published in a risque magazine, but here's the character's storyline:

"Here was the plot: A flying saucer creature named Zog arrived on Earth to explain how wars could be prevented and cancer could be cured. He brought information from Margo, a planet where the natives conversed by means of farting and tap dancing."

Wait, it gets better...

"Zog landed at night in Connecticut. He had no sooner touched down than he saw a house on fire. He rushed into the house, farting and tap dancing, warning the people about the terrible danger they were in. The head of the house brained Zog with a golfclub."

I could speak half of Zog's native language! And no, it's not the farting half...

Other than that, the only thing that has cheered me up was my nice phone conversation with John. He wanted to hang out tonight, but I didn't get his facebook message suggesting we do so until 10:45. But he called me anyway and we chatted for quite some time. It's so awesome when you can just talk to someone on the phone about anything and everything. I'm a chatty person, so things like this make my night!

So what does my tomorrow look like? Well, there's unpacking to be done and a trip to the bank to me made. Already filled up my tank so I'm ready and raring to go places. Where's the first stop I make after the bank? Barnes and Noble because I'm just that cool! All of this followed up by chilling with John later on tomorrow night.

It's good to be home (for now)!

LaTeR

Com[Back in 15]

2007-04-23T22:43:00.000-04:00

I wish I created my blog entry how I originally envisioned it, but sadly I don't have enough time to do so. Damn paper. I'm starting a 5 page paper at 11:00 at night. Boy do I suck!

Ok, this is going absolutely no where. I apologize. I honestly don't know how to word this without being blatently obvious. Even the quote I was going to use would be terribly obvious. So guess what! I'm nixing my idea. Sorry to bring you here.

Just a slight revelation that no matter how much you care, you can't make someone else care. It just won't work. And that compromise seems to be lacking its most basic ingredient these days. Maybe that's why its never in the right place at the right time.

Don't worry, I won't go any deeper. I already know the response I'd get if I were to keep talking. So hows about I cut it here and go work on my paper?

I miss Megan being here. A lot. It can really suck here without her.

LaTeR

When You Wish Upon A Star

2007-04-10T22:25:00.000-04:00

Likelihoods:

-Please let our chem test be moved to Monday.
-Please let me finish this paper at a decent hour.
-Please let Rossi not ask for our bibliographies on Thursday.
-Please let there be no rain on Sunday.
-Please let the food pick-up for Basil Bash run smoothly on Saturday.
-Please let there be no more scheduling conflicts for my Fall 2007 classes. I don't think I can take anymore confusion.
-Please don't let anyone take my Philosophy paper because Volpe decided not to hand them back to us, but to leave them sitting on a chair outside his office for all the world to see and for us to pick up at our leisure.
-Please let me have a good grade on that paper.
-And while I'm at it, same goes for the history test I feel I owned.

Where Dreams Come True:

-Please let Busse decide to move our paper to being due on Monday.
-Please let me be done with either my Philosophy paper, my Lit presentation, or my History paper before NEXT weekend.
-Please don't let this week's chemistry lab report take up as much of my time as they normally do.
-Please allow us enough time in lab on Tuesday to sign off on our supplies. It would be a real bitch to have to wake up for an 8:00 class on Tuesday the 24th to simply count test tubes and such for 5 minutes and then leave.
-Please allow me the time to practice for Sesame.
-Please make my filthy quadmates clean up their shit and learn that there is more to life than who is sucking off whom.

And now, back on track.

LaTeR

Happy Easter

2007-04-07T23:26:00.001-04:00

I got an early Easter present tonight from my bird Rico. I picked my little bird up and at the bottom of his cage I noticed an egg. My little bird who's been my little baby boy for the last 7 years...is a girl.

Greeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaat.

LaTeR

P.S. Masque Formal dress: check!

F.Y.E.

2007-03-12T19:31:00.000-04:00

It's little things like this that make me love my job. You must watch this because it is sure to make you laugh! I'm serious. You can honestly HATE Elmo and everything that has to do with him and still laugh at this (and I've experimented with this theory already and I'm telling the truth). So this is a nice laugh for everyone and it's another reason why I feel Kevin Clash (Elmo's pupperteer) is a genius:

I hope you enjoyed it! And if not, you can beat me up later.

LaTeR

"Lead Me Through the Fire"

2007-03-09T00:23:00.000-05:00

Have you ever gotten to a point in your life where absolutely everything seemed as if it were up in the air? I really wish something would happen. I just need an outcome of any kind. Preferably a good one. Everything that matters in my life right now is a toss-up and it's driving me up a wall.

I went to work today to get some extra rehearsal time in because I'm on spring break now. The "spring break" that rehearsals were scheduled to run every day on follows the spring break schedule of the high schools in the neighboring districts. Since I'll be missing all of those practices, I put in a few hours today and got to meet all the new-hires for the year. Many of them I already knew because they were either dancers from my dance studio or they were promoted hosts from last season. The brand new dancers that are new to Sesame on a whole are very nice. Can I say that it is amazing that we have a BOY Elmo! That's right! A 5'2" 16 year old who's an awesome dancer and looks like he's maybe a day over 11. Adorable! He makes me wish I had a little brother...kinda.

I did the show once. Once. In regular clothes, no costume pieces, in an air-conditioned room ("West Wing" which is the back of the Human Resources Center, the warehouse section of the building that is poorly carpeted. They keep all of the shipments of merchanise and such back there) and I almost died. I really wish I was exaggerating on that one. Granted, I'm not dancing like I used to anymore. Granted, this was the first physical activity I've taken part in since I got over athsmatic bronchitis. However, it was INSANE how exhausted I was after ONE show. I need to get back in the swing of things...fast. Not that I planned it or anything, but during the time Megan H. and I planned on spending time at the gym I got sick (and coincidentally so did she), so my plans of getting back into shape have gone down the tubes. Despite that, I should have taken it more upon myself to at least keep my flexibility in check. That will come back quickly, though. More importantly, I should have kept my breathing in check. I should have spent time on the tredmill or something. Anything. And now I'm screwed. What's worse is I'm allergic to the West Wing (the area where we practice). No lie. With the amount of stuff they bring in that room and take out of it, there is dirt and dust everywhere. I couldn't stop sneezing for the 4 hours I was there tonight. I've been sneezing all night because of it. It drove my allergies up a WALL. I'm finally back to normal 4 1/2 hours later. God knows what's gonna happen this weekend when I'm in that room for 7 hours both Saturday and Sunday.

Between the athsma, the allergies, and the pains in my knee, I realize now why Sesame stops raising your pay after three years. Your body physically cannot endure that amount of physical strain for more than three years. I'm praying to whatever higher power there is above me that this is just me getting acclimated to dancing over again after a 5 month break. If not then I'm totally fucked.

I was scared shitless of this season before I started going to rehearsal. On top of all of this, I didn't need the director of the entertainment department coming in today, pulling me aside and telling me: "YOU will be establishing Abby Cadabby for millions of children. She doesn't start full time on the TV show until September so whatever they see this summer is going to make or break her. I'm counting on you to make this work, Val."

I did not need tonight. I did not need one more reason for me to believe that I'm a failure, or to be reminded that there are even bigger things out there for me to potentially screw up. Next weekend could ultimately make or break my entertainment career.

LaTeR

Feeling Needy

2007-03-05T00:25:00.000-05:00

So much stress. Stress flowing out of my ears. Not saying my life is the most stressful right now because I know there are probably people who are worse off than I am...just stating that I don't currently enjoy the amount of stress I'm under during this spring "break." I wish it was the workload. I truly do. It's not even that. And it's making me feel pretty depressed and extremely needy:

I need help from those who aren't able to give me any, I need answers to questions no one knows how to answer, I need someone to care (if not for their sake, then at least for mine), I need to meet some of the goals I set for myself, I need to figure out why my bosses are putting so much weight on my shoulders, I need to not crack under all that weight because I gaurantee it will not be lifted from me, I need to drop Bio ASAP even though I was looking forward to having Dr. B., I need my friend Amy D. to be okay and not be in critical condition anymore, I need to get back in shape before work kicks my ass, I need to learn how to do a right cartwheel because only being able to do a left one is not good enough (sounds lame, but it's a big problem of mine...work related), I need to eat, sleep, and breathe Abby Cadabby so I don't "ruin her image for millions of children for years to come", I think I need a hug sometimes, and most importantly: I need to know that certain people are going to be alright. I'm worried about them. I want them to be happy. It bothers me very much that they're not because I love them and want to see them happy. Yet all I can do is help. I hope it's enough.

I don't know why I just shared all of that, but it's all I got. Only thing I have left to say is that if you EVER follow the speed limit on any road, follow it on South Flowers Mill Rd. It's there for a reason. I'm sick of people dying on that road because they're doing well over 35MPH. It's just plain dumb.

LaTeR

Found on Allison's Profile:

2007-03-01T17:28:00.000-05:00

I found this on Allison's profile and thought it was awesome. Therefore, I'm going to share it with you:

Now off to do some chemistry homework!

And I promise that's the last YouTube post for a while. I'm just bored!

LaTeR

And All You Wanted Was Somebody Who Cares...

2007-02-28T19:42:00.001-05:00

I was flipping through the channels and ran into this on the Disney Channel.

#1. I forgot that the Disney Channel played real music videos.
#2. I forgot how much I absoluetly love this video.

I changed my major today to Chemistry/Secondary Education. According to Cichowicz there is a difference in whether or not Chemistry or Secondary Education comes first. Not as far as requirements, though. It's mainly a "job" thing. According to him if I realize I don't like teaching and I want to do something in the Chemistry field instead then it's better to have Chemistry first. Evidently the Education Department sometimes sees this as a "you're not committed to Education" statement, but that makes no sense considering the Chemistry department can turn around and say the same damn thing. Oh useless politics! As of now Secondary Education is written first, but he said if I write it the other way enough times then it will eventually get switched (or I can change it last minute my senior year...I like the way he thinks!). He's right either way. I mean, I came to LaSalle as a Biology major and the only reason I was a Biochemistry major was because when Grady asked me my major during our Day One meeting I said "Biochemistry". That was the end of that!

For those of you who watched the video, I hope you enjoyed it. I always do. Now I'm off to do some RSA bonding/helping Myra pack/eating pizza.

And did I mention that due to some scheduled cancellations I only have one class tomorrow...at 2:00? CHYEA!

LaTeR

Case of the Mondays...

2007-02-26T19:40:00.000-05:00

Been doing a lot of thinking lately. Hasn't been too positive. Wasn't looking forward to anything this week had to offer, especially Monday. But hey, I got through it. However, it's just been one of those days where I wish I stayed in bed.

I don't know what set me off first (or how the pressure was fed....ah! Linkin Park moment, sorry!). Maybe it was the double bio lecture which tremendously sucked. Maybe it was a total of two hours with Dr. C. helping me figure out how to do the calculations to my impossible chem lab. Yeah, I don't see WHY chem labs that can't even be completed by our professors were given to us. If anything else, it's been both the entertainment and destruction of my day. For instance, when I went to show Dr. C. the "help" Dr. Gentry emailed the class for solving The Nernst Equations in our lab (something we did not learn), I think I wanted to die with laughter and frustration at the same time. I opened up my mailbox and there was a new email from Gentry. A second "help" email (which just tells you right there how helpful the first "help" email was). In a stroke of genius, Gentry figured we'd better understand what we were doing if he likened the Nernst Equation to making cheese sandwiches. Yes, that's right. Cheese sandwiches:

Class, I'm sorry for inundating you with stuff on the Nernst lab, but I thought I might give you a practical example of what you have to calculate for Parts B & C

A practical example would be nice!

Problem: you want to know the equilibrium constant for cheese sandwiches... Excuse me?

Really Gentry? Really? You sure this is practical? So he goes through this whole email explaining how to make cheese sandwiches. Then we get to the end:

Turn these # of incredients into concentrations by dividing by volume of sol'n (I don't know how to do this with my sandwich example) and then plug into the K equation.

Don't know how to do this with your sandwich example? Funny, because that was the part none of us understood. Therefore, your example was as pointless as it was idiotic. Thank you for wasting my time once again Gentry... Here's your cheese sandwich, now may I have Dr. Grourke back, please?

Speaking of which, I really should try to figure out that lab. It's due tomorrow. More like the entire class's massive failure of this lab is due tomorrow. That should be a hoot. So I guess I'll stop procrastinating and get right down to what's really on my mind (cue vagueness):

Ever have the feeling that you're not needed? Like no matter how much you care, you're just not important? Like if you disappeared, no one would really notice? I know, I know, I'm pulling an Addison Shepard here. But really. That feeling like you're trying too hard and you shouldn't have to, but you knew that if you backed off then you wouldn't like the outcome. I hate these stupid lose-lose situations. If you knew you wouldn't like the truth of a situation, would you run from it or face it? Then again, we can never really know the truth if by knowing me mean guessing. I guess everything will reveal itself in due time. It's up to me to take the fall. If I'm caught, I'm caught. If not, well...that's what bottomless pits are for.

LaTeR

"But Time, It's Slipping Away..."

2007-02-11T02:13:00.000-05:00

I wrote a song. Yes, I did. Megan H was sharing some of her songs with me that she wrote and the only poem I had to share with her in return sucked (in my opinion). Unfortunately, it was the only one I've written at college. Then I found one that I wrote in one of my old blogs that she liked very much: "Dream Catcher". You may have noticed it as one of my away messages I put up when I go to sleep. Or you might not have. Anyway, Megan's songs inspired me to write a song of my own. While sitting in Philosophy class I wrote and wrote, but this time I kept a tune in mind. I really liked it. I have to admit, I'm embarrassed of my own work and rarely ever share it, but I have to say, for once, I thoroughly enjoy this one. And because I'm talking about it this much does not mean I'm about to share it. Just bringing it up because it's the basis of my title of this entry. Although completely out of the song context, I feel like I've run out of time this weekend. I know everyone is busy so I'm not going to sit here and complain. Just stating the fact that I'm mad at myself for leaving everything to the last minute. And it's not even the last minute yet AND I actually got a bit of work accomplished. Just not enough. Can't seem to ever accomplish enough...

Anyhoo, just babbling as I'm waiting for the bathroom. My quadmate who's been coughing her head off most distustingly since we returned from Christmas break keeps going in and out of the bathroom every two seconds to stand in there and cough all her germs in the bathroom. And to add to the equation, she has her creepy boyfriend spending the second night in a row. He's actually yelling (and I mean YELLING) at her in the bathroom from her room. Ya know...not like anyone is asleep at 2:30 in the morning or anything. And I guess on any given day I wouldn't mind having a half-naked guy I didn't know wandering around my quad, but I for some reason or another, today I was just not in the mood. I mean, check this: I'm brushing my teeth this morning in the outside sink (because it's the only one clean enough to use) and he comes out of my quadmates' room in his boxers and starts flexing his muscles and checking himself out in the mirror...as in the mirror I was using when I was brushing my teeth. I'm sorry Hercules, did I block your view? And he's still here. And I'm gonna have to wake up to him being here again. She's gross, he's creepy, same old fucking story getting worse and worse each day.

However today was not a complete flop. Aside from my body forcefully making me recoup my sleep intake instead of getting my homework done, Drawer Boy was infinitely better from the lobby. Not to say that you shouldn't go see it because it's definitely an awesome show. I just didn't need to see it for the third time. Instead, I got most of my chem lab done and had quite a few chats with Davey, Dan, and Raven. I also talked to Megan H for a bit. After the show I chatted with K-Laz, Megan, and Kate while diner plans were being finalized. Oh how fun that was! I have to admit, they made me realize how incredibly passive I am. That still won't change anything. It only means I've forfeited my right to complain or be upset. In fact, I think I made that conclusion last weekend. But who needs to express emotion when I have 2 Megans and a Kate who continually do it for me? Doesn't solve much, but it's infinitely more amusing than I am! Although when Megan lost it (and I mean in a funny way) I couldn't contain myself anymore. I'm glad you're happy with me Megan!

I'm also very excited for Valenti- I mean, February Fourteenthentine Day in which me, Pam, Kate, and whoever else would like to join us are going to watch The Notebook (because I'm the only loser who's never seen it). And to top it all off: SNOW! Well, we're supposed to get snow. That would be amazing. Truly.

Well I think my quadmate is done in the bathroom now. Gee, I wanted to be in bed by 1:30. Yet another plan failed...

LaTeR

P.S. Quote of the night:

YoungStephQC: im sorry, val....want me to smack my router around for you?

And now in context:

YoungStephQC: alright im tired of dealing with my retarded internet
ValPal2238: aww
ValPal2238: so i suffer?
YoungStephQC: im sorry, val....want me to smack my router around for you?
ValPal2238: no because that sounds strangly inappropriate
YoungStephQC: that definitely came out all wrong
ValPal2238: yes but it made me laugh my ass off

AND HOLY FUCK. There is banging, groaning, and "Oh baby"s coming from the other half of my quad...AND BARKING? What is this?!?! Someone save me :*-(

Don't Ask Me How Or Why

2007-01-28T01:55:00.000-05:00

Anyone esle ever think too much late at night, especially when they're alone? I'm sure I'm not the only one out there. I don't know why exactly, but in an effort to try and describe that horrible feeling that you've depressed yourself for no reason, my mind immediately fell upon Charlotte's Web:

Narrator: "Wilbur's stomach was empty and his mind was full, and when your stomach is empty and your mind is full, It's hard to fall asleep. But eventually, sleep and Wilbur found each other."

And in my search for that exact quote, I found meaning in two others from that movie:

Charlotte: "Trust me, Wilbur. People are very gullible. They'll believe anything they see in print."

Wilbur: "I think you're beautiful."
Charlotte: "Well, I am pretty. Nearly all spiders are good looking. I'm not as flashy as some, but I'll do."

So much meaning in such a simple movie. I can't even begin to imagine all of the amazing quotes and meanings that were hidden in little kids movies that didn't mean anything to us when we were young, but would probably amuse us nowadays.

Anyway, the real quote of the night belongs to the first one in this entry. Actually, you can safely assume that's the quote of the night for the past week.

So many questions go unasked
With answers you'll never see.
So many thoughts locked inside
For the one who holds the key.
So many friends you love so dear
And still feel so unknown.
So much love that's ours to share
And still feel so alone.

LaTeR

Nobody's Home

2007-01-24T16:17:00.000-05:00

I'm not what you would call the definition of an Avril Lavigne fan, but I have to admit that she was on the money with this song. As a matter of fact, I'm here reporting live from Basil 2nd Floor Lounge because I can't be in my room right now. Maintenance is in there putting in a new heating system because ours broke. I don't know what they're putting down or kicking up, but in the time it took me to put my bag down and take off my coat, I had to grab my inhaler and run. So much for taking a nap.

Last night was the pot kick out. My room mate came back to the room REEKING of pot. Not like, faint after-smell...more like it smelled like she bathed in the stuff. I've come to terms with the fact that I have to live with the headaches and the congestion from the cigarette smoking, but to throw pot in the mix and add nausea to my symptoms? It basically blows. Anyway, once again I had to pick up my homework and leave. Not only am I allergic, but the smell of pot makes me physically ill. I figured I'd be able to find solace in the Basil 2nd Floor Lounge. However, in order to get there I had to walk down my hallway which also reeked of pot from my room all the way down to practically the end of the hallway (which is where my room mate's friends reside and obviously it's not fun to smoke alone). What baffles me is the fact that these are the honors kids! I mean, the third floor honors kids don't do this shit. Not in the habitual fashion that my floor does at least. Occasionally smoking up I understand. But I'm talking go to class, do homework, smoke pot.

...Back in the room just in time to catch my new quad mate making a mess again in our foyer (we're in a quad where we have a sink in that foyer section right outside of the bathroom). And I don't mean like leaving her stuff out mess, I mean she's spilling soup everywhere mess. (Messy and disorganized I can deal with. Dirty and inconsiderate I cannot). Yeah. Brittany was messy. This bitch is downright dirty. She's Brittany's sorority sister, Carly, and decided to move in because Brittany's roommate is living off campus this semester. She hasn't even been in this quad for 24 hours and already I've had to put away her shit twice. Things like she leaves her dirty brush on the sink along with her hair straigtener. Well, I can't clean dishes with that stuff there (or at this point I wouldn't really mind being accidentally electrocuted). I had to scrub the mirror because you couldn't see out of it due to the fact that not only can she not take care of herself, but she can't fucking aim either. You would think that when one brushes their teeth they would know how to spit in the sink. Obviously she never acquired that skill. Nor did she develop the capacity for cleaning up her liquid make-up that she has running down all sides of the sink. Its gross.

And if my quad mates aren't making this place look like a shithole, they are turning their half of the quad into a surrogate sorority house. I'm not talking like two or three of their sisters, I'm talking ten to twelve. In their quad. Talking. Screaming. Cackling. All the while I'm in here either trying to do homework or sleeping. And for those of you who live in quads, you know the wall between you and your quad mates is not even remotely sound-proof. There are only so many times in an hour I can hear the words fucker, mother fucker, cunt, bitch, dick, and cum before I can't take it. Especially when I'm trying to study. Out of the room I go...

And for those of you who think I'm totally bullshitting the noise level, how about I tell you about my morning? 7:00 AM. Both Kate (my roommate) and I are awoken by an alarm. An alarm that belongs to neither of us. With both our door and our quad mates' door closed we were awoken by our new quad mate's alarm. Not only did her alarm wake us up, but she kept hitting the snooze button. REPEATIDLY. Every 15 minutes it would sound. Every 15 minutes it kept sounding, even when I was leaving to go to my class at 8:45. And as I'm sitting here typing this, I'm listening to how our new quad mate is complaining about how lazy she is because she didn't go to any of her classes today:

Brittany: "Hey, how was class?"
Carly: "I didn't go, I just wanted to sleep in."
Brittany: "What time was your class?"
Carly: "10:00."

So she set her insanely loud alarm for 7:00? You gotta be fucking kidding me. At this point I hope she never has an 8:00 class.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have no where I can call home. I can't rely on having a quiet place to do my homework. I can't rely on having somewhere to sleep at night where I won't wake up the next morning congested because I've been breathing in things I'm allergic to all night. I can't rely on having simple comforts such as my chair or my blanket because a lot of the times they've been used by someone who smokes and I have to wait until they air out/I wash them before I can use them again. I can't have a normal day of classes, do my homework, and have time to clean this place everyday. And it sucks. I've tried voicing my concerns. I've tried talking to them. I've even mentioned going to Frank (our RA). Nothing changes.

*BANG*
Carly: "Oh shit..."
Brittany: "Good job."
Carly: "I'm so dumb!"

...I don't want to know...

She wants to go home, but nobody's home,
It's where she lies broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside. Lost inside.

LaTeR

P.S. The soup incident I mentioned earlie was Ramen noodles. And instead of cleaning it up, she covered it with my hand towel that I have hanging up for everyone to use to dry their hands with. There are Ramen vegetables and noodles all over the sink counter and in the sink. Not to mention the dirty dishes and Ramen noodle wrappings as well. I asked who's stuff it was and they were like, "We don't know." (Fucking, really? I'm in here and Kate is in class). I tried to be nice. I was very polite about it. Not anymore: "Ok," I said, "Then who had the Ramen noodles and spilled them everywhere?". And Brittany had to fess up for Carly because Carly couldn't do it herself. "We'll clean it up," she said. Niether of them have moved. And they're not going to. They're just laughing.

If you need me, I'm the one crying in 247.

New Kid On The Block

2007-01-21T02:42:00.000-05:00

For those of you who know that I play Elmo at Sesame Place, I just wanted to inform you that not only am I Elmo this year, but I am also a new character in a new show. My new character's name is Abby Cadabby: Although I'm very excited to be taking on a new position as well as continuing to be Elmo, I'm slightly worried about a lot of things. One major factor is that I'm going to have to learn a whole new show (which will include extra practices) and show up to practices for the show I already know. That includes going home on weekends (mind you, not every weekend!). Hopefully I won't be forced to go home for practices on weeknights as well. I don't see how I can do it. I want to be a college student. I want to be able to hang out with friends, do homework, and be involved (especially in upcoming Masque productions). And I have a terrible feeling that because the media is making this particular character to be such a huge deal that Sesame is going to put a lot of weight on my shoulders. Out of the few dancers who will be small enough to operate her, I will be the most experienced and, most likely, the first in Sesame Place history to perform as Abby. Which also includes performing for the important people like heads of our department, heads of the park, and Mr. August Busch himself. I was so excited to be this character that I didn't stop and think what it might entail.

Minus the stress factors of my job vs. my social life/academic career, my phsyical ability is making me doubt a lot of things. Abby Cadabby is going to be one intricate costume. Not only is visibility going to be extremely limited, but I'm going to have to operate her mouth and her wings (because she has moveable wings). Not only that, but her head is HUGE. All that hair is going to be tough to handle and very heavy. I'm just afraid that this costume is going to weigh more than the person it's sized to have operate it can handle. It's got a lot of extra weight in bad places. Not only that, but this will be my third year going into this thing. First year was not so bad. Mostly backaches. Second year was the bad neck and lower back problems along with my knees starting to wear down. And here comes my third year which is also the first year I'm somewhat out of shape because I haven't been dancing for 7 or 8 hours a week. All I can say is thank goodness for Amy's Belly Dancing idea. I'm gonna need those classes!

I know this is all a bunch of worried rambling, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm deciding here and now that I'm not letting my job ruin the remainder of my freshman year. I want to be involved with the Philadelphia Story (either on stage or behind), I want to audition for Improv 101 (and hopefully make it on the team), I want to keep my grades up, and I want to be with my friends as much as possible. So I'm sorry Sesame, college life comes first. I will be an amazing Abby Cadabby, but I will not tear myself away from the things I want to do for a measly $7.75 or so an hour. College life, for me, is first in my book! And for those of you wondering why I'm still at Sesame at all after what I just said about it, it's because it is fun and it is rewarding. It's a pain in the ass, yes, but there is just something about it that draws you back each year...

On a more positive note, for those of you who have no idea who Abby Cadabby is, I suggest this page for some video clips: http://www.lesliecarrara-rudolph.com/abby%20press%20%20page.htm#TELEVISION_CLIPS_&_INTERVIEWS. And this page for some reading (incase the clips don't work): http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/PersonOfWeek/story?id=2330604&page=1

LaTeR

//edit:

I almost broke down in mass tonight. They played "I Love You And You Are Mine" which I haven't sung since my Nonie's funeral. It took me a second to recognize it, but then I just got hit with this wave of emotion out of nowhere and found myself fighting back tears. Completely unexpected. It was a good thing George made me laugh a short time after. I probably wouldn't have made it through mass had he not.

By far the weirdest mood swing of my life.

I Keep My Promises

2007-01-14T00:41:00.000-05:00

The lovely Miss McGee did this for me (and that phrase rhymes!) so I have no choice but to post the following:

Leave me a comment and...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this in your journal. You MUST.

Ready guys? Bring it on!

LaTeR

P.S. For anyone who is interested, Tarzan the Musical has an awesome soundtrack. I highly recommend it!

//edit:

Disney isnt like Trix...its not just for kids Val - Stephan Q. C.

That made my night!

The Year of a Million Dreams

2007-01-12T22:24:00.000-05:00

Jess and I deserve awards for being able to make our trip to Disney World amazing even though we had stomach flus. Disney was amazing. So much fun! Don't worry, I won't bore you with details. All I have to say is that you never get too old for Disney!

Ok I've read enough of these 15 Lists that I am now not only intrigued, but inspired. That and I'm also very bored, not feeling well, and somewhat annoyed. That means I'm going to take a stab at one of these list thingies. It should be interesting because I don't even know 15 people on Blogspot who read this thing, so the odds of any of this applying to any of you readers are pretty slim:

(Stolen from Kate, who stole it from George, who stole it from Pam.)

List 15 things that you want to say to people but never will. Don't say who they are. Never discuss it again.

1. I hate you. I know that's harsh and deep down I don't mean it. I guess you can say I hate the way you act and the way you treat me. It disappoints me that I've emotionally and psychologically outgrown you. That's not supposed to happen. Stop throwing temper-tantrums and act your age.

2. I already had a rut to climb out of. Why did you dig it deeper?

3. I know now if I need to vent, I will have you to understand me. Sometimes I feel as if every where I have to turn is completely blocked off, but not with you. If anyone will be able to see eye to eye with me on certain aspects, it's you.

4. Why do you keep up these annoying games? Aren't we a little too old for this? If you have something to say then just say it! If not, then please accept the fact that I am happy and stop trying to ruin it. You won't win. You'll never win. I'm the one person you can't manipulate and it kills you.

5. Have you made up your mind yet? Seriously? Are you sure?

6. Please stop leaving those cryptic messages in your AIM profile. They change almost daily and they are a nuisance. I knew they were about me even before you admitted it. Can you just stop then? It's getting old. If you want me to feel guilty, your goal was accomplished. Now you're just pissing me off.

7. Why does it feel as if you've knocked me to a lower level of the totem pole? Maybe you should listen to your friends. They seem to see something that you've obviously missed. Don't even bother to ask. You'll know it when you find it. Just find it soon because I'm sick of fighting off the "what ifs".

8. (This applies to a certain group of people) I just want to know what the F**K you guys were smoking when you came up with that executive decision! There's a good chance that you've destined a lot of lives to be a living hell this summer. Good job.

9. What happened to you? You are not the person I met in August. You turned your back on and completely abandoned all of us. You confused the hell out of us all, especially me. But it was just so simple for you, wasn't it? I was there for you every second you needed me. I trusted you. And what did you do when I needed you? You called me names and ignored me. Thanks for all your help. And when you left us and acted like an ass I was forced to provide the justifiable reasons behind your pathetic and cowardly actions because it was assumed that I knew you best. And I did. You can't just use people like that. We're more than cool enough for you, but somewhere along the line you forgot that. Remember that translation you promised me? Well guess what: take it to the grave my friend, because I don't care anymore. I still know you meant it.

10. I wish I knew how you really felt. I know you're not telling me the truth. I don't know why I know it, I just do. Call it a feeling, I guess. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way because I honestly had no intention of doing so. You're really confusing me. If I'm bothering you, just tell me.

11. You said it would happen. You said I deserved it over anyone you've ever known. Now I hope it's all you said it should be.

12. You single handedly ruined High School for me. You completely trashed everything I worked myself to the bone for. Thanks a lot. I see that's my prize for helping you out with your new job. Not only did you kill all of those memories and experiences that were rightfully mine, but you soiled a beautiful reputation that was built at NHS longer than you and I have ever been a part of it. And the creator of said reputation loathes you for what you've done as much as I do. If I were Donald Trump I'd have two words for you.

13. You make me sick. I don't understand how society possibly produced someone like you. Honestly, I've only seen people like you in the movies as an extremely over-exaggerated stereotype in a movie role. But to see you exist in real life? And be forced to get along with you? I'm glad I faired as well as I did. Everyone else just wanted to bash your head in. At least I could have a 10 minute conversation with you. Good luck in the real world. You're in for a rude awakening.

14. The path you've taken upsets me. You had so much promise. Don't do this to yourself. You're better than that.

15. You are by far the biggest mystery of them all. It all happened so fast and I don't recall how or why. But when you told me the truth I have to admit that it hurt, but I understood. All I want to know is, if that was the truth, then why did you get so upset a few weeks later? I should have known and I'm sorry. I should have trusted my instincts over your words, then maybe I wouldn't have hurt your feelings. This is why I'm such a fan of the real truth, because I tend to trust someone else's spoken opinion over my internal opinion. It bit me in the ass this time. You've been the only person so far who's done nothing more than make me laugh every time I see you and you've yet to let me down. I'm so glad we're such close friends!

And that's all for tonight!

LaTeR

Disney World

2007-01-08T00:09:00.000-05:00

By this time tomorrow, Jess and I will be in Disney World.

Where dreams come true...

LaTeR

Pennsyltucky Adventure

2007-01-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

I find it extremely redundant to recount our entire trip to Mechanicsburg, PA since Doug has already done so. Do me a favor and read his account first, and then come back to mine. I'm just going to add my twist on a few things and touch on a few things he left out. Every story needs a woman's touch! Especially when 3/4 of the group of us are girls. Here we go:

DAY ONE

Amy stopped by my house around 9:00 to begin our adventure. She caught the tail end of a clip about Abby Cadabby I was showing my mom. Don't worry, there will be more on Abby Cadabby later in this blog entry.

Amy and I set out to go get Doug. On the way we played with Amy's interestingly named playlists on her iPod and listened to some old school music. Tis the only way to travel! Amy and I also kept getting ominous signs that we were going to be attacked by a buffalo at some point during this trip. Reasons being: 1. One of the CD's in Amy's front seat visor case kept jumping out at us randomly on our way to pick up Doug. What picture was on the CD? Why a picture of a buffalo of course! 2. When getting change for one of the tolls, I grabbed a quarter. It happened to be a state quarter (Kansas) with a buffalo on it. Ahh!

When we got closer to Doug's house, we started to follow Amy's not-as-detailed-as-Megan's directions and somehow ended up in Jersey. I really don't understand how because we followed the correct sign. I guess it was misleading. Doug did the same thing going home from my house so I guess I can't tease him about it anymore. Oh well. When we finally arrived at Doug's house, we pulled into the only open spot on his street and proceeded to search for his house number. While Amy was strategically scanning the other side of the street, I noticed the house we pulled in front of happened to be Doug's. This was Amy's blonde moment on our trip. Don't worry, we all had one.

We picked up Doug and, as he mentioned, shoved a huge candy cane in his face and forced him to finish it by the time we got to Megan's. Too bad that didn't go as planned. Amy and I did talk about dancing, but it wasn't nearly as boring as Doug made it out to be. Now, Megan and I talk about dancing in a literal sense, but Amy and I merely discussed the hilarity of some of the cheesy songs we danced to, dumb props we had to use in some dances, and some old outrageous costumes that probably would have disgusted Prince. Had Doug been listening in, he probably would have enjoyed the hilarity of it all.

Next was Doug's blonde moment of the trip which he recapped fairly well. What he missed was the part where Amy and I were screaming for him to give us the phone as he was attempting to hang up with Megan. Thus the reason for me extending my hand back to him for the phone. The high five was priceless! My blonde moment was pronouncing Weis Market incorrectly. What can I say? I is smrt.

The State Museum, although extremely outdated, was very entertaining. At one point we were discussing whether the "dog machine" was used to grind up dogs, or was simply dog operated. Luckily, it was the latter! Also, Amy and I came face to face with yet another buffalo. This time it was life size! After that, Amy and Megan learned what life would be like as a mole, Doug goggled at the gigantic spider, and I identified as many PA birds as I possibly could. Good times, good times. When we had our fill of the museum, we stopped at the gift shop. Amy got red and blue flat taffy and the rest of us got a candy stick. You're never too old to get candy at the end of an outing!

Back to Megan's for some gift exchanging. Pictures are posted on Facebook if you wish to view them. The McGee family Christmas tree is absolutely adorable with very cool ornaments. We had fun playing with those cute little ornaments! Gift exchange was a hoot and was topped off by a quick speaker phone convo with Jess.

As Doug stated, Megan's friends were so much fun! And Balderdash? Let's just say I fell for Amy's answers like a sucker. The worst part about it was that half the time I knew they were her answers. Better luck next time I guess. My personal favorite was "What does C.C.A. stand for?": "Crispy Catholics Anonymous".

We finished the night out with some of "The Birdcage" because I'd never seen it. We went to bed somewhere around 1:00 I believe. Well, we were supposed to go to bed around then. Amy and I stayed up talking for most of the night. We probably fell asleep somewhere around 3:00. I love chatting with Amy! We come up with the most interesting things to talk about! The again that's probably the result of a conversation held at 3:00 in the morning after a long, fun day.

DAY TWO

After a breif musical interlude (compliments of Doug on the ivories) we headed over to Gettysburg. We brought along some serious brain food: gold fish crackers, honey buns, and fruit by the foot. After visiting almost every monument on the self guided tour, we finished at PA's kick as monument. We payed our respects to Private Fangboner and Private Woodcock. We also learned that Isaac Newton and Eddy Murphy served in PA's infantry. And for those of you in the Masque, we found Private Sullivan, Private Costello, Private McGee (with multiple spellings), Private Henderson, Private McBride, and Private Neff. Amy and Doug were frantically trying to find a Nickerson or a Phelan on the infantry list. I took one look at the names and came to the logical conclusion that "My people weren't here yet." Amy came close with a Nickleson.

After dinner we continued our sing-a-long with Doug on the piano. We sang nearly the entire musical of Avenue Q, some Ben Folds, some of Andrew Llyod Weber's greatest hits, and some of Billy Joel's greatest hits. I was very grateful that Megan was nice enough to play some of my requests. My boyfriend would not (boo!). So I like "She's Always A Woman To Me" and "No One Is Alone". I admit it! At least Megan appreciates my taste in music...

We ended the night with the remainder of "The Birdcage" and "1776". I had no idea that Pennsylvania was almost responsible for America not being independent from England. Ain't we just a bunch of jackasses? And I didn't know that some of the founding fathers were so hot, especially Thomas Jefferson! Or that they could sing! Just imagine if everyone in the House and Senate was good looking and had theatrical background. Gay rights would surely be passed!

After our movies we watched a little YouTube. What did we watch? 1776 spoofs of course! They were absolutely hilarious, especially the music video to Men In Tights. After a few renditions of "Dick in a Box", we decided to call it a night. Now, tonight Amy and I went right to sleep because we knew we had a long trip home tomorrow. However, things did not go as we planned. I don't know exactly what time in the morning (only that it was dark out) is was when we started to hear a banging on our door. At first I thought it could have been Megan, but as I opened the door I discovered it was Megan's cat, Grace. She ran in the room and decided she wanted to sleep with the gals. She ran between my legs, between Amy's legs, and chose a comfy spot between us to nestle up and go to sleep. So what did Amy and I do? We got up to pet the kitty! She was so cute and cuddly, how could we resist?

We woke up the next morning and played the "let's keep Val away from us so we can look at each other's Masque Baby Books" game. I have a feeling I lost. We also had one last sing-a-long with Megan and Doug on the piano. And as an added bonus, I got to see some of Megan's absolutely precious dance pictures. She was lucky. Her studio knew how to pick nice costumes! We also got to see a few scenes from Megan's high school performance of "My Fair Lady". Little Megan and her little cockney accent were so much fun to watch!

After saying our goodbyes to Megan and her family, and Doug ripping me from the front seat, we headed home. What a fun trip!

Which brings us to today...an entirely different story. It started out with Sesame auditions. I was excited to see some of the people that I haven't seen since August. I filled out my paperwork as usually and went to stretch and warm up with the rehires. I learned that the show Abby Cadabby is in has been officially changed from and actor show to a dancer show. I'm beyond excited! However, there were quite a few short girls at audtions this year. Actually there was a boy in my group who was small enough to be Elmo. And he was good! You know, a 16 year old who could pass for 12 and probably weighs half of me. I think in the entire history of Sesame Place, there has only been one boy Elmo. Technically this boy was perfect Zoe height, but that would be cruel and unusual to make him be Zoe. As far as auditions on a whole, I really enjoyed the routine this year. It was the fastest it's ever been. I don't exactly know why, but it was just really fast. And the 2 eight-counts worth of improv dancing was quite hilarious. I was in a group with all rehires, so before they started the music we kind of made up a beginning 4 counts which included all of us crouching in a circle on the ground and then standing up with spirit fingers. Our bosses asked us to do something amusing, so we did! Why would we dazzle them with skills they already know we have when we could make them laugh with something silly? It's not like they won't rehire us. What upset me was the fact that the NBC10 guy never showed up. For the past 2 years I've been on NBC10 at 11:00. Not this year I guess.

Now all I have to do today is run to Color Me Mine and pick up Doug's frame. It's pretty sad that the person who put the backing on the frame put it on up-side down. I mean, there were words on the front of the frame. It wasn't like she had to guess which end was up. After that I have to find some stuff at AC Moore, get some stuff together for Disney, and I planned on cleaning my room a bit today. Hopefully I'll get to that.

And for the rant portion of the day: I hate my dad. I know it sounds terribly angsty, but I honestly wish he would fly out to Conneticuit, Canada, or where ever the hell he spends 5/7 days of the week working and just goddamn stay there. No one likes when he's home. I sure as hell can't stand it. He chose to have a high stress job so that does not render him the right to take it out on whoever is in earshot. I don't care how many people he had to step on to be in the high job position he's in today, he has no right to step on this family. It's become a huge problem. I'm sick of brushing it off and "having respect for him" because the only thing that has done has made him worse. And it's why I hate coming home. However, I'm in a bit of a pickle. My dad is seriously threatening to give away or kill my bird. At first he wanted to give it away, now he's seriously considering killing it. No this is not a harmless threat. As hard as it is to believe, he's dead freakin' serious. This bird is my pet and he means the most out of all my pets to me. He's not doing anything wrong. If my dad kept his stupid dog away from my bird's cage then maybe the bird wouldn't be so loud. That's his problem. My bird was here first. How would you feel if you had to go back to school knowing your dad might kill your dog or your cat while your not home?

LaTeR

Ominous Morning

2006-12-31T13:27:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning and in my groggy stupor I headed down to my computer room to check some things on my laptop. I looked out my computer room window and saw a dead bunny being picked apart by three crows. It was not a pretty sight by any means. Is this an omen for my 2007? I sure hope not!

Anyway, I finally snapped out of it and got on the computer for a little girl talk with my best friend in the entire world: (at this point in the game, Chelsea and I are discussing her new boyfriend, Matt, who plays guitar in his band).

DKB1390: I FORGOT TO TELL YOU
DKB1390: val
ValPal2238: yeah?
ValPal2238: he proposed?
ValPal2238: you're pregnant?
DKB1390: he wrote me a song
ValPal2238: oh
ValPal2238: not nearly as exciting, but good enough
DKB1390: HAHAHHA
DKB1390: HAHAHAHAH I LOVE YOU
ValPal2238: being written a song is so awesome
DKB1390: and its good
DKB1390: like
DKB1390: its not like
DKB1390: stupid
ValPal2238: did he sing it to you?
ValPal2238: *play it for you
DKB1390: he recorded it
ValPal2238: OMG REALLY?
DKB1390: on his computer mic, hahahha
DKB1390: and you can hear it!
ValPal2238: well gee
ValPal2238: i figured that one
ValPal2238: he's a fucking keeper and a half!
DKB1390: theres three parts to it
ValPal2238: wow
ValPal2238: he went all out
DKB1390: its so good too
DKB1390: like i was expecting it to maybe be silly...actually i didnt know what to expect
ValPal2238: wow, if my boyfriend ever wrote me a song and performed it i think i'd roll over and die because my life would be complete.

It's funny how no matter how old you get, some things will never fail to revert you back to your middle school maturity level and remind you of those secret little dreams you've long since burried. Am I really that hopeless of a romantic? Yes I am, I admit it. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't! But I honestly think every girl is at heart. Am I right ladies?

Hello?

Is this thing still on?

LaTeR

No Lie...

2006-12-31T02:04:00.000-05:00

I was putting away my laundry this morning and I noticed something odd on two shirts that I bought from Charlotte Russe. The size (small of course) was printed on the back inside of the shirts. However, I took a double take and realized that I didn't get two size small shirts. I got two size samll shirts. Finally I've grown to a new size! Hazaah!

And my doctor said I was done growing, pshh...

LaTeR

I Hate Playing Phone Tag

2006-12-29T14:08:00.000-05:00

Why is it that the one day I decide not to have my phone in my back pocket, someone is actually attempting to get in touch with me? Four phone calls all from the same person! You would think with an IQ in the "genius" level of the scale that he would be intelligent enough to leave me a voicemail. Oh well!

So that is why I'm here. I'm hoping that my phone rings again or that Kenny will come online and tell me what's up. Honestly, after 4 missed calls (three on your cell and one on your house phone) I think you'd be a little intrigued as well.

So...::twidles thumbs:: I think I've become a Guitar Hero addict. And the best part about it is that I cannot get past level medium (out of an easy, medium, hard, expert scale). Isn't that sad? I thought it was sad!

Ok, yeah I'm stalling, but not because I'm waiting for my phone to ring. Ever have a question you really wanted answered, but you're too afraid to ask it? I'm sure everyone has at one point or another. You know, something you already know the answer to (or think you know the answer to) which is exactly why you don't want the question answered in the first place. Nothing good will come out of it. Either you get the answer you knew all along and get hurt, or you receive the opposite answer (which you know is a full blown lie) and get hurt. So which is the lesser of the two evils: to be told the truth, or to be told a lie? What if you're living a lie because you hope it's the truth? Ha! Try that one on for size! Either way, it's something to ponder. And as my fortune from my China Pearl fortune cookie stated: "Where there is doubt, there is truth." I hate life's little ironic moments, but then again can I really take seriously a slip of paper which also says my daily lotto six is 22, 46, 1, 13, 38, and 3? I think not.

Ooo and my mommy just gave me a Churo! Wait? We have CHUROS? Oh yeah, I'm at home. We own a freezer. Maybe I should look in it from time to time. In the meantime, me and my cinnamon sugary goodness are going off to become better aquainted. Dinner and a movie? No, I think a rousing game of miniature golf is in order!

This is what happens when you give me sugar.

And I know I probably spelled Churo wrong. I took French in high school. Eat that!

LaTeR

//edit:

I ended up getting in touch with Kenny. I went over to the Ridge's house to watch Pirates of the Carribean 2. I still say it's a good movie! The night ended with pizza at the Ridge family dinner table with my second family:

(Bryan takes a gulp of gingerale and burps loudly)
Mrs. Ridge: (to Bryan) "Um, excuse me?" (to me) "See what I have to put up with?"
Bryan: "WHY?" (points to Mr. Ridge) "You didn't make him say anything!"
Kenny: "Yeah Mom." (burps) "You didn't let dad off the hook!"
Mrs. Ridge: "Oh, what am I going to do with you two?"
(Bryan and Kenny have a burp-off)
Mrs. Ridge: "If you're going to do that, at least do it in harmony!"
Kenny: "What?"
Bryan: "You heard her Ken, you hit the high C!"
(Kenny attempts to burp a high C)

Kenny: "My bologna has a first name, it's-"
Mrs. Ridge: "O-S....O-S, um, right?"
Val: "Yes, O-S-C-A-R."
Kenny: "No! It's P-E-N-I-S!"
Everyone: "KENNY!"
Bryan: "You wish!"

Bryan: "Hey Kenny, guess what!"
Kenny: "What?"
Bryan: "You're ugly!"
Kenny: "Shut up!"
Bryan: "Hey Kenny, guess what!"
Kenny: "I'm ugly?"
Bryan: "No! You're ugly AND stupid!"

(Kenny sticks his head between the two kitchen cabinet doors)
Mrs. Ridge: "Ken dear, what are you doing?"
Kenny: "If you put your head in far enough and position the doors just right, you can still see everything that's in here even though the doors are pretty much shut!"
Val: "Let's hear it for the West Point grad of 2010!"
Bryan: "Worse! Future leader of our country!"
Mrs. Ridge: "Oh don't even say it..."
(Kenny salutes and whistles "Taps")

Tis all for tonight!

Pre-Christmas Fun

2006-12-24T21:37:00.000-05:00

PART ONE:

I have to start off by mentioning how absolutely amazing Bryan's Christmas (semi formal) dinner party was! Everything from the food, to the presentation, to the fact that I hadn't seen all of these people in so long made the sweet nostalgic sense in the air that is Christmas really come alive for me. We may have started the night out like little ladies and gentlemen, but once around the dinner table we were no more than the chatty group of kids we'd always been. Yes, we talked about college adventures for part of the night, but after 15 minutes or so our conversations definitely trailed off to high school, middle school, and even elementary and preschool stories. I can't possibly describe how much fun it was to have all of us gathered around the table again. It was almost like middle school lunch period all over again, only slightly more sophisticated!

The biggest discussion as far as college went was our friend Kenny. Unlike the rest of us who went to a normal college, Kenny went to West Point. The fact that he has many different uniforms that he has to wear amuses us to no end. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until Kenny's brother, Bryan, decided to show everyone his impression of Kenny's extremely unflattering school picture, that Kenny actually whipped out one of his uniforms and let us play around with him. We ended up dressing his best friend Brian Henzy (more commonly known as "Henzy") in it and decided it was more of a bellhop costume than a cadet outfit. Oh well. Everyone got their chance to rock out the cadet hat, but no one pulled it off very well. Oh well, we tried!

By 10:00 everyone had left except for Henzy and I. Henzy, being Son #3, and me, being Daughter #1, were allowed to sleep over. And so the night continued where I got my first taste of Jack Daniels. It was Jack & Coke, but I didn't care for it much either way. Anyway, I threw on a pair of Bryan's sweat pants (because even at 5'10" I can fit into his sweat pants perfectly length wise and waist wise) and we all went down the basement to watch a movie. This was probably the most amusing part of the night: Here I am, the only female and three men and naturally you would assume my opinion of what movie to watch would not matter because, as a chick, I'm destined to suggest a chick flick. Not me! I took one look at the Ridge's movie selection and immediately threw out King Kong, O, and Cold Mountain. That's when I learned that only part of my previous assumption was actually going to be true. Yes, I got shot down, but who knew I'd ever get shot down by three guys who were fighting over whether we should watch Mean Girls or Ten Things I Hate About You. Please keep in mind that two out of these three guys have very masculine personalities. Considering I love both movies, I decided to sit back and let the men duke it out over which chick flick we were going to be enjoying. After 20 minutes of almost combative deliberation, we settled on Ten Things I Hate About You because Brian didn't remember how it went and Kenny never saw it. Heath Ledger......

When the movie ended, Henzy provided me with an opportune chance to use the video camera on my phone for the first time. Henzy jumped on Kenny's lap and started singing "I Want You To Want Me" in Kenny's face. Although you can't see much because it's too dark, I must admit that it's an extremely amusing audio clip, if I do say so myself! When that fiasco ended, we all went to our respective sleeping areas (Bryan in his room, me in Kenny's, Henzy on the pull out, and Kenny on the couch) and ended the night.

The next morning made for quite an interesting breakfast. Mr. Ridge was nice enough to go out and buy us bagels, but he only bought one plain bagel. Henzy grabbed the plain one, and then I was stuck. When it comes to bagels, I don't eat many different kinds. I found what I thought was a nice cinnamon raisin bagel and ripped off a piece to eat:

Me: "Hey Bryan, why are there red things in here? OW! IT'S SPICY! OUCH!!! WHAT IS THIS???!!!?"

Bryan: "DAD! I THINK YOU GOT A JALAPENO BAGEL!"

Mr. Ridge: "Oops!"

Henzy: "Here Val, take the other half of my plain one."

Me: (Through gulps of orange juice) "Thanks Henz."

And so the night/morning ended well. Bryan did a fantastic job! For as awkward as it was having certain situations there (such as having both Steph and Henzy who just ended their 4 year relationship at the same dinner table) everything turned out beautifully!

PART TWO:

I came home from the Ridge's house, immediately took a shower and got straight to work on my nonie's secret family recipe for homemade tiramisu. I was the only person in the family brave enough to attempt it without Nonie's guidance. However, I have to admit that I was pretty lucky that Nonie left all of her pots and pans to us. Had she not, I would have had to figure out how to create a makeshift double boiler. Thanks Nonie! It ended up taking about two hours to complete and decorate, but in the end it was definitely worth it!

Christmas eve without my Nonie turned out to be more successful than we all anticipated. Trust me, having Nonie here to help us with the cooking would have been very helpful, but we managed to pull it off without her. Between my two Aunts and my mom, Nonie's recipes for the spaghetti sauces and the 7 fish stayed alive. Go team!

One running gag of the night: My cousins Chris, Leah, Cameron, and Jack gave Jess, Emily, and I $5 worth of Jersey Lottery Tickets each for Christmas. We sat there and scratched off our tickets to see what we would win. Both Emily and Jessica won $10 each. I won nothing. I guess I wasted all of my Christmas luck on making my Nonie's tiramisu. Speaking of which, I got a thumbs up from my aunts. Evidently I accurately captured the goodness of my Nonie's secret recipe. Considering that was my only goal this Christmas Eve, I was very happy to hear that!

On a more downsided note, I was on facebook showing my cousins and Aunts pictures of Doug and I (because when Bryan showed up at the door to exchange Christmas presents everyone thought he was Doug) and when I was done with the pictures, I stayed on facebook for a while. I thought it was a good idea to wish the few of us who celebrate Christmas Eve a "Happy Christmas Eve". I was going through the list in my head and remembered Greg celebrated Christmas Eve. Ok, I don't know if it was the cosmo effecting my brain, but I decided to be the bigger person and do the right thing by spreading my holiday wishes. However, I changed my mind when I got on his page. Not that I care immensely what people think about me, but it kind of tweaked my upchuck reflex to see comments like, "Yo I heard what happened. You can do so much better than that chick." "You are gonna meet such better people than her." and "So much better, you could have done so much better." posted on his facebook wall. And some of those comments were from people I met or at least talked to once or twice. Maybe it's because I'm not used to being the person to end relationships, but that kind of talk hurts. Especially when some of these comments are coming from girls with pretty raunchy reps. I would really like to know what better than me is in their eyes, or what kind of lies he fed them. Where is this so-called "maturity" in college I've heard so much about? Oh well. I don't regret breaking things off with him at all. I followed my heart and that's all there is to it. It told me that I didn't need someone who told me everyday what I should be wearing or how ugly I looked. Something in me felt that actions like those were not particularly healthy for my already low self-esteem. In the end, your heart always knows what is best for you, which is why I am with Doug! And since I don't recall ever mentioning Doug and I as a couple in this blog, I must admit, as sappy as it may seem, words cannot express how happy I am to have someone like Doug in my life. It has changed me in so many ways.

For those of you who are still with me and not off puking somewhere from my sappy I-heart-my-boyfriend plug, the night continued after that! My Aunt Adele and Uncle Web were the last of the family to leave. Before she left, my aunt tried to teach me how to jitterbug. Granted, I'm an excellent follower, but she was attempting to teach me how to lead. I couldn't follow her worth a damn! She's told me she was going to do one thing and then she did something completely different! I know those kind of dances aren't supposed to be choreographed, but for the sake of teaching, it would have helped had she followed her own instructions! I tried, and my dad caught it on tape. Although I look like an absolute fool, it's a good thing he caught us on tape so that I can learn by watching instead of attempting to copy. I'll master it eventually!

Well I think I'm done here for now. Jessica got me a Happy Feet computer game that I really want to try right now. It looks adorable! Something tells me I might need an actual mouse instead of a touch pad to play, but I'll figure something out when the time comes. Merry Christmas Eve to all you Italians and Polocks! We're cool enough to celebrate Christmas Eve with our 7 fish!

To everyone else: Merry Christmas...tomorrow!

LaTeR

//edit:

Jessica gave me a flesh eating disease for Christmas. She gave Emily an ear infection. For more details go to: http://www.giantmicrobes.com

Standing in Line Just to Hit A New Low...

2006-12-20T02:13:00.000-05:00

I visited my middle school today. A lot of my teachers are gone because the district is closing down Neshaminy Junior High soon, so they all got jobs elsewhere in the district. However, there were a few important teachers left. I got to see my 6th grade English teacher who lit up as soon as I walked in the door. Theresa Johnson! I must say, if I ever felt like anyone's star pupil in life, I was hers in 6th grade. She kept me there for at least a half an hour to talk and find out how I liked college. Then she asked me if I remembered anything from 6th grade English. How could I not? Especially with her class! And it's always the little things. For instance, Mrs. Johnson would pick one kid every year she felt was a truly gifted writer and she gave him or her a present. Out of 100+ kids, she picked me during my year. She gave me a little pony journal and I still have it. When I told her I still had the journal, she looked like she was about to cry! Then she showed me on her desk, in a frame, was a poem I wrote in 6th grade. I'll never forget when I handed in that poem for a project she read it and started crying. It wasn't even a sad poem. As a matter of fact, it was a really sappy uplifting poem. All I remember is her making me read it to the class because she couldn't read it aloud without choking up. Mrs. Johnson always did that with my poems. Any writing assignment that involved poetry, she would always read mine to the class or make me read it aloud. She always liked my poems. You would think that was a good thing, but for someone who doesn't like to share her poetry, it was a bit of a nightmare.

Another thing I recalled was getting 105% on one of her projects. Mrs. Johnson turned to me and said, "Val, you were so above and beyond everyone in writing that you deserved a higher score!". In 6th grade, I guess you could say that. Too bad I haven't improved much since then. Too bad I'm not that good of a writer now. I don't know why, but that comment made me feel like the biggest failure on the face of the earth. Once upon a time I knew how to write very well. And this blog...sucks. It's so bad compared to my livejournal or xanga. It's pretty much why I never update it. By the time I have a chance to update it, it's usually around 3:00 in the morning and I'm exhausted and only capable of writing at a 3rd grade level. Oh no wait! Writing when I'm exhausted at 3:00 in the morning has been the only way I've gotten A's on papers all semester. I'm not kidding you at all. A journal entry like this would merit a solid A in any of my triple courses, but if I were to write something when I was fully awake and functional: B-. So confusing on so many levels.

You would think after talking about this so much that it was what got me down tonight. Not in the slightest! But alas, blogspot is no place for angsty venting so I won't even begin. I had my remorseful reflection, and now it's time to go to bed and hope for a tomorrow that is better than tonight. This is the 3rd night in a row I saw 3:00 AM on my clock. If sadness has any effect on me whatsoever, it's something similar to the effect of caffeine.

Or maybe that's the gingerbread latte talking.

I wish I was a glow worm
A glow worm's not so glum.
How could you be unhappy
When the sun shines out your bum?

LaTeR

P.S. The sound of shrieking Spanish accents and flutes in the distance can only mean one thing: Jess is in the other room watching West Side Story. Oh, "I want to be in America..."

Someone Once Told Me:

2006-12-18T01:10:00.000-05:00

Never make someone your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

It makes me wish I listened to some advice more often. Or that I am wrong.

I hope it's the second one.

Tis all for tonight!

LaTeR

Restless Ramblings

2006-12-17T04:54:00.000-05:00

It's late at night (eh, technically early in the morning) and I just can't bring myself to go to bed. I wish I had something meaningful to write in here, but I don't. I do have a weird story to tell. I say "weird" because it's left up to interpretation whether you'd like to call it funny or frustrating. I guess it's a nice mixture of both. Funny + Frustrating = Weird. Yeah, that's about right. Anyhoo, here it is:

I went to the mall tonight to buy a black skirt. You know, something a little longer than the hoochie skirts that are out in the summer time, but not quite Amish grandmother length either. It's common. A dressy staple almost every girl on the face of the planet owns. With that in mind, you would think this would be an easy task. Hellllllllllllllll no.

After searching Boscov's, Forever 21, JCPenny's, Macy's, A&E, Aeropostale, Wet Seal, Charlotte Russe, Gap, Express, and New York & Company, I remained unsuccessful. What baffled me wasn't the fact that I couldn't find a black skirt that fit, it was the fact that I couldn't find a skirt. Most of these stores (a few solely women's apparel) did not carry skirts. Not one! Those that did carry skirts had maybe one or two. I thought to myself, Did I completely miss some major feminist movement during finals week? No, I see dresses. Just no skirts... It was surreal. I mean, I'm not extremely fashion savvy, but don't ladies still wear skirts?!? Now, had I wanted a nice pair of dress slacks then I would have had my run of the whole damn mall!

Low and behold I was glad I could count on Deb. Not my favorite store in the mall, but it's served me well in the past. Thankfully, I came out with what I wanted and my buddy Bryan wants to take me back out tomorrow to look for a top to complete the outfit. Sometimes I think I'm the life-size Barbie doll Bryan's always wanted (and yes I know I'm not much taller than a real life-size Barbie doll). Wish me luck! I may go back to the mall tomorrow and there won't be anymore tops...

As pointless as it was, that is my story. It wasn't really that big of a deal, but I found it puzzling. As I stated earlier, I wish I had something important to talk about. Well I do, but I have a feeling it's just all in my head. This is why I like to keep myself busy. I don't like the things I come up with when I have time to sit down and think. I usually end one of those thinking nights trying to ignore myself and sometimes it doesn't work.

C'est la vie.

LaTeR

Hopping on the Bandwagon

2006-11-30T16:46:00.000-05:00

Well, everyone else was doing it! I've done this before as well, but right now doing it again is way more interesting than bio! (Stolen from Megan, who stole it from Doug, who stole it from Amy, who stole it from Sara):

If my life were a movie, this would be the soundtrack
How to do it:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc).
2. Put it on Shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Be honest.

My life is a:
"Fighter" by Christina Augulaira.
(Well, I guess if you relate it to things that have happened in my life and not one particular person then I guess it applies.)

OPENING CREDITS:
"Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park
(Yes, I can totally see this starting the story of my life. Or maybe starting a turning point.)

WAKING UP
"A Man Who Loved A Woman" from Pyjama Game
(Well, it's bouncy and fast so I guess it's a good song to wake up to...)

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL:
"Devil With A Blue Dress"
(The speed of it could reflect the speed in which I rush in the morning to get to class. And I love blue!)

FALLING IN LOVE
"Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake
(HAHAHA! Not exactly the way I picture falling in love. I mean, it's a nice facet, but I wouldn't call it "falling in love". Maybe one of the perks after you've already fallen in love.)

FIGHT SONG:
"Street Styles" from Stomp
(I can see a rumble happening to this.)

BREAKING UP
"Figure .09" by Linkin Park
(Woah...that is freakishly accurate. I can definitely see this as a break-up song!)

PROM
"When I See You Smile" by Uncle Sam Band
(Aw, I love this song! This is way better than our actual prom song. Oh, this is perfect!)

LIFE IS GOOD
"Burning Love" from Disney's Lilo and Stitch (Yes, I know it's an Elvis song...)
(This works!)

MENTAL BREAKDOWN
"Nobody's Home" by Avril Lavigne
(Probably one of the top mental breakdown songs I own. Couldn't be more accurate.)

DRIVING
"Humble Neighborhoods" by Pink
(I LOVE driving to this song! It's actually in my "Driving Songs" playlist.)

FLASHBACK:
"I'll Be There For You" from Dawson's Creek
(Ironically enough, I used this song for a flashback slideshow for my sister one year for her birthday. Thumbs up!)

GETTING BACK TOGETHER
"You're Beautiful" by James Blunt
(Hmm...reverse psychology?)

WEDDING
"Can You Feel The Love Tonight" from The Lion King
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, that's just cute! It would never play at my wedding, but it's a cute thought.)

FINAL BATTLE:
"Walk Away" by Kelley Clarkson
("Final Battle" would be a good phrase for it. Very good phrase for it.)

DEATH SCENE:
"It's My Life" by Bon Jovi
(Well, it would be a kickass way to die I guess.)

FUNERAL SONG
"Slipped Away" by Avril Lavigne.
(Wow...that's creepy as all get out. This song's lyrics really sound like they were written for someone who died. And why did Avril Lavigne pop up on this thing again? I have one of her CDs.)

END CREDITS
"This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush (Originally...NOT MAXWELL! Although his voice is not as shrill.)
(Yes, I can see this as an ending credits song to my life. Although it would mean I would die alone and broken hearted...le sigh. "I should be crying but I just can't let it show. I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking, of all the things I should have said that I never said, all the things we should have done that we never did, all the things I should have given but I didn't. Oh, darling make them go. Make them go away." I sure hope these aren't my life's ending credits!)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Alrighty, well on to bio homework if I want to go to quizzo tonight and watch Grey's Anatomy!

LaTeR

Leave It To The Lyrics

2006-11-30T01:44:00.000-05:00

I can't write in this thing right now. I would LOVE to, but I can't. It's too late and I have a project I have to finish. Good thing it was already written for me! Thanks My Fair Lady (and Doug's away message for prompting the idea):

Bed! Bed!
I couldn't go to bed!
My head's too light to try to set it down!
Sleep! Sleep!
I couldn't sleep tonight.
Not for all the jewels in the crown!
I could have danced all night!
I could have danced all night!
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before.
I'll never know
What made it so exciting;
Why all at once
My heart took flight.
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced all night!

LaTeR

Never Saw Blue Like That

2006-11-26T01:14:00.000-05:00

And even now
I'm so amazed,
It's like a dream,
It's like a rainbow,
It's like the rain.
And some things are the way they are
And words just can't explain.

It wouldn't be a break without me catching some sort of illness. Thankfully it wasn't anything too deathly this time around. Just a common cold. Just enough to make you sound like shit so the people around you run away with their little surgical masks and personal cans of lysol even though you don't feel half as bad as you sound. Such is life. And do you honestly think a cold would stop me? Hellllllll no! I don't think I was home much at all this entire break, and that's the way (uh huh, uh huh) I like it! My punishment for doing such is having a shitload of homework to finish plus a lot of running around to do before I go back to school, not to mention the lack of proper rest has resulted in me not shaking the cold off before I return. Oh well, it's getting better.

I have the most random shit-to-do list (minus the homework):

-Figure out a gift for White Elephant. Yes, my floor is doing that. For those of you who don't know what that is, a "White Elephant" is a very screwy way of playing polyana. The rules are identical to that of a polyana with the exception of the guidelines for the gift. You cannot buy your person something. Instead, you must give them something of yours you don't want. Oh, the possibilities!!! Any suggestions? Oh, my person is Michal W! So at least I have someone with a sense of humor!

-Find my conformation robe to use in a history presentation about The Knights of Hospitalier. Don't ask.

-Buy decorations to decorate my RA's door with. Well, not my RA persay. I have a Basil RA who's door I must decorate for RA Appreciation Week. YAY RA'S!!!!!!!!

-Figure out what baking untensils I have to drag back to school with me. Everything I could possibly need in order to bake as many desserts as possible in 5 1/2 hours (with the help of some awesome Masque freshmen). WOOT!

-And then there is the basic grocery shopping and packing still do to. Plus homework. Maybe I should prioritize my homework some time soon. Something tells me it would be beneficial for me to do so!

Although I really wanted to get some work done today and did not, I probably could not have asked for a better ending to a break. Honestly, if I had to pick my favorite day then it would be today. I spent a little over an hour with my dance teacher (who is really more like my friend who happens to teach me tap) Nina. We worked on a little tap combination just for shits an giggles. I was going through serious tap withdrawls, and she hadn't choreographed for anyone over the age of nine in quite some time. Fun all around!

Later on in the night I met up with my sister, Amy, and Doug at Cheeseburger in Paradise for some dinner before we went to go see Happy Feet. I love Cheeseburger in Paradise! And props to Amy for being the only person not to order mini-cheeseburgers.

HAPPY FEET. That's about all I can say. Words cannot describe my enthusiasm! Holy lord! Not only were the animated moves of the one and only Savion Glover surprisingly realistic, the movie itself was irresistably adorable! Half the time I didn't know if Doug was laughing at the movie or at me going "AWWWW!" every five seconds. All I really have to say is that I think I found my new favorite movie!

After the movie, since it was still relatively early, Amy and Doug came back to our house to watch Nightmare Before Christmas (since Amy never saw it). That pretty much consisted of Doug and I sitting there saying every line, humming every tune, and singing every lyric along with the movie. Oh come on! We're not losers...most of the time. After that we watched some SNL. Good show, good show.

And here I am, ending this wonderful day with all of you. All I have to say is there were so many times tonight where I couldn't help but smile and am still smiling. Some things in life have that effect on you and you just can't help it. And for someone who hasn't felt that in a very long time, I have to say it's good to be reaquaited with such a feeling.

And it feels like now,
And it feels always,
And it feels like coming home.

LaTeR

What To Be Thankful For?

2006-11-24T00:19:00.000-05:00

Same Thanksgiving as always I guess. At least that's how it started. You know, going over grandma and pop pop's house with my mom's side of the family. I guess it's because we're not so little anymore that it's just harder to keep ourselves entertained. Oh well, such is life! However, the food was as good as always and good food is definitely a plus! Maybe it's because my grandparents are in a new house now. Things just aren't the same anymore. No more firealarm going off every year. No more grandma feeding leftovers to the squirrels. No more upstairs guest room to hide in and play games. Maybe it was because I knew I was getting kidnapped next Sunday to have dinner with the same side of my family for my grandparents' anniversary. Something about this year's Thanksgiving just didn't have the same spark as years past. It was still fun and we still made our Italian stuffing (because evidentally there is a difference!). Oh and my family loved the pictures of the Haunted House and all the pictures I took of J&H (Amy, Doug, Meg: They thought our Newsies vs. Elderly trilogy was amusing!) And best quote of the night was by my grandfather (who saw the show Saturday night): "I don't know, Val. You and Jess keep getting casted as whores. I don't know why we bother to send you to college!"

We came home relatively early because Thanksgiving dinner was at 2:30 in the afternoon. I got to spend some time with my brothers Kenny and Bryan. Kenny and Bryan Ridge have been my best friends since I was 4. Bryan is still around, but Kenny goes to West Point so it's really hard to see him nowadays. I made them watch Grey's Anatomy, but it wasn't the same as watching it with the real Grey's Anatomy Gang. And I'm going Black Friday shopping with Bryan tomorrow because he's the best shopper I know.

It's comforting to know that you're real friends, like Kenny and Bryan, will always stick by you. I came home this break to find my Sesame Crew completely shunning me. I'm sorry I decided to go away to college. I'm sorry community college (or no college at all) was not the route for me. I'm sorry I don't intend on working at Sesame Place for the rest of my life. I didn't know I was going to lose my closest friends by making these decisions. It's tough being the only one to leave. But I guess I'm just easily forgotten...or wasn't loved to begin with. Wouldn't be anything new.

That's probably the one thing I really appreciate about college. It's true when they say you meet your real friends there. The people back here are fake for the most part. I have three friends here that I can honestly count on no matter what. Everyone else loves you when it's convenient for them. I've know the kids at college for roughly three months or so and already I'd gladly bend over backwards at the drop of a hat for any of them because they've already done so much for me. I mean, I guess it's partially my fault because throughout my life I've always been "older" (maturity wise) than my friends. And that has always set me apart. So being close friends with the older kids at college is just like repeating middle school and high school. Luckily I've made friends with kids in my class as well as the upperclassmen. That way my senior year of college won't be as lonely as my senior year of high school!

All in all I guess I'm thankful this year for the few true friends I have at home and the wonderful people I've met at college thus far (which if you haven't guessed by now is all you people reading this!)

Happy Turkey Day to all!

LaTeR

Singing in the Rain

2006-11-22T22:18:00.000-05:00

I sit and watch the rain, and see my tears run down the window pane...

Well, no not really. However, it has been raining all day. It was pretty nasty out earlier today and it's still really nasty out. Oh well! Hopefully it won't be this ugly tomorrow.

I really don't know why I started this post. I don't have anything interesting today. I slept until 11:00 and then took a 4 hour nap from 1:00-5:15ish. It was absolutely amazing! The scary thing is that it's 10:15 and I'm already ready for bed again. That's pretty sad. Damn you hell week and staying up way too late writing a paper!

It makes me laugh to think that this is called Thanksgiving "break". It sure as hell is not a break when you look at the load of work we all have! I don't even want to begin to think about it. I was going to start some of my chemistry homework, but I never did. Rainy days like these make you so lethargic that it's almost impossible to be productive at all. Or at least that's how it is in my case.

Thanksgiving dinner at my Grandma and Pop pop's house is tomorrow afternoon. Are we the only family that has Thanksgiving dinner somewhere between 2:00-3:00 in the afternoon? Well, as long as I'm able to watch Grey's Anatomy tomorrow night I honestly don't care what time we have dinner. Unforunately, this Thursday is not going to be the same without the rest of the Grey's Anatomy gang. Haha! Grey's Anatomy Gang. G.A.G. That's basically us in a nutshell. Watching us freak out over an episode of Grey's Anatomy is enough to make anyone gag, just ask Stephan! Seriously, it's not going to be as much fun and I wish we all lived close enough to just hang out somewhere and watch it together. I'm going to try to tape it so maybe we can all rewatch it when we get back to school.

There are so many things I'm looking forward to this break and all it does is remind me of the little time I have to complete all of this homework. It really sucks. Well I don't care how much homework I have because it won't stop me from tapping with Nina on Saturday morning or seeing Happy Feet with Amy, Doug, and Jess. Those two are a must!

Hmm, was that thunder? No, can't be! After raining all day there is no way it's going to storm. If it was supposed to storm, we would have had storms all day instead of simply rain. Remind me again why I'm talking about the weather? Yeesh, as I said, rainy days = lazy. And if you want to talk about lazy: instead of working on homework, I finally redid my Top 16 on MySpace (after much nagging from Megan) and resized pictures to put under My Pics. Did you know that MySpace now allows you 16 pictures? 16 pictures? That's pretty nuts! And as Megan said, "I definitely filled my quota".

Well all I can think about right now is the Da Vinci Code blasting from my family room, so I think I'm going to stop this sorry excuse for a journal entry and save you guys a lot of time! Now do you see why I can write a 5 page paper so fast? It doesn't take me long to elongate a whole lot of nothing!

Have a Happy Turkey Day!!!!

LaTeR

"Tis but thy name that is my enemy..."

2006-11-21T03:47:00.000-05:00

My hour and a half Wawa run with Chris taught me a lot of things. First off that he inadvertantly helped me to be in the situation that I'm in and felt was the result of my undoing. And if everything goes according to how I see it, he will be making fun of me for quite some time. Gee, how I always dreamed to be in McBride's debt...

Other things he mentioned got me kind of scared. All I have to say is: listen to Chris. Out of anyone on this campus, he has known me the closest for the longest amount of time. He has helped me out in more ways than I could ever begin to thank him for, and he continues to look out for me. He may seem like he doesn't care, but he does. He just may have a funny way of showing it.

I don't want to say I'm worried, because worried is such a harsh word. I'm interested to see where I fit in when it comes to the Masque. Although my sister and I are alike in many ways, I am NOT my sister. I am not her clone. I am not her replacement. I am not Jess-Splenda. Come to think of it, I'm no one's clone. I'm no one's replacement. I am me. Some of you know me. Some of you have talked to me. Those of you who have done so, I am very grateful to you. I have made some amazing friends here at LaSalle, especially in the Masque. All I'm saying is that please, in the words of the musical we just finished: "Take me as I am". I have not met a single one of you that I don't like and I feel very privelaged to get to know all of you more in the upcoming months. All I ask is that whatever labels you've put on me to please remove them. It's not that I don't appreciate the kindness of people taking care of Jess's sister, but please, take your time to get to know me on your own level. I have a head start on you guys because Jess has told me such wonderful things about all of you, but I would also like to get to know you more on my own. And although I may be preaching to the wrong choir, I just needed to push that out there. It's been bothering me quite a lot. And it wasn't on my mind really until today when I got a MAJOR PAPER back from my lit teacher with my comments beginning with: "Jessica, blah blah blah" (yes, my lit professor called me Jessica on my paper).

I want to get to know you guys. I want to be a part of your family (The Masque Family). I want to fit in, help out, cheer you up, make you laugh, be a shoulder to cry on in any way possible...it's just I want to do it as Val.

LaTeR

"She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright, for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight..."-Vanessa Carlton

2006-11-20T17:09:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know my title for this entry is obnoxiously long. But it is fitting, so it shall remain. I really cannot wait for break. More like I cannot wait to write (and finish writing) my philosophy paper. Once that is out of the way then my break has officially started. Granted, I have one class, 4 loads of laundry, and packing to do, but as far as homework, I am doing NO MORE for the rest of the night. My head is just too full. I don't know how I'm even going to bang out a 5 page paper as it is. Oh wait! It's philosophy! I actually really enjoyed this section of philosophy. I found so many new quotes to post all over this handy little blog of mine! For instance:

“Remember that you are an actor in a play, which is as the playwright wants it to be: short if he wants it short, long if he wants it long. If he wants you to play a beggar, play even this part skillfully, or a cripple, or a public official, or a private citizen. What is yours is to play the assigned part well. But to choose it belongs to someone else.” -Epictetus

That one really got to me.

Anyhoo, so much is flowing through my head right now. Like the smell of the EazyMac my roommate is making at this very moment. However, there have been more pressing matters flowing through my mind lately. Unfortunately for you, this is where the vagueness begins.

All in all I'm sick of all these questions going unanswered. They're really nothing important. The important answers I can wait for. But I've been having the same dilema since September and here I am, November, still as clueless as ever. I've tried explaining said problem to certain people, but instead of real advice, all I get was jealousy. Evidentally some people would love to be in my position. Therefore, I don't talk about it anymore. Just because you're on the other side of the fence does not make my side any greener. I do believe that it's solely the pang of lonely hearts that's inflicting their irrational thoughts, because if you look at the scenario from a far, it sucks. I'm tired of being clueless. I'm tired of making an ass out of you and me. I just want to know why, since the moment I stepped on to this campus, I lost the persona of "The Smart Girl" and inadvertantly created a new persona that is...well, if I knew what it was then I wouldn't be writing this right now. I guess it's because I'm no longer around the kids I've known since birth. Maybe because I'm around all of these new people that don't know me as "the brain", I'm finally being seen for who I am. It's something I've always wanted. All I need to find out is why something that is proving to be so wonderful is causing so many complications.

Other problems arose by trying to make sense out of things that don't make any sense at all, and basically watching myself get pulled along by a horse of the wrong color. How did I correct this? Easy! I made my mind shut the hell up and paid more attention to my "gut instincts" if you will. At the end of the day, you're heart always knows what it wants and needs and it's your job to make sure your brain understands that. Never ever talk yourself into something your heart doesn't believe to be right. Likewise, never talk yourself out of something your heart believes to be right. The only plausible exceptions would be if your heart and/or mind believe in something that is hurting you. Then you must intervene. It's hard, but it pays off in the end. You see, I was stuck in the same rut for a while. I was traveling the same path over and over thinking that maybe, just maybe, I was getting closer to what I wanted. I had to have been! Where else would I be going? It wasn't until I realized the path I was traveling was a big circle that I knew I needed to take the next exit off. Decisions were made, changes happened, and I swore to myself I'd never be caught in that continuous circle ever again. And now everything is working out perfectly. All I know now is that my heart and mind are saying the same thing except this time I have the reigns.

And for the first time in a long time, the sky is a little bluer.

LaTeR