"She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright, for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight..."-Vanessa Carlton
Yes, I know my title for this entry is obnoxiously long. But it is fitting, so it shall remain. I really cannot wait for break. More like I cannot wait to write (and finish writing) my philosophy paper. Once that is out of the way then my break has officially started. Granted, I have one class, 4 loads of laundry, and packing to do, but as far as homework, I am doing NO MORE for the rest of the night. My head is just too full. I don't know how I'm even going to bang out a 5 page paper as it is. Oh wait! It's philosophy! I actually really enjoyed this section of philosophy. I found so many new quotes to post all over this handy little blog of mine! For instance:
“Remember that you are an actor in a play, which is as the playwright wants it to be: short if he wants it short, long if he wants it long. If he wants you to play a beggar, play even this part skillfully, or a cripple, or a public official, or a private citizen. What is yours is to play the assigned part well. But to choose it belongs to someone else.” -Epictetus
That one really got to me.
Anyhoo, so much is flowing through my head right now. Like the smell of the EazyMac my roommate is making at this very moment. However, there have been more pressing matters flowing through my mind lately. Unfortunately for you, this is where the vagueness begins.
All in all I'm sick of all these questions going unanswered. They're really nothing important. The important answers I can wait for. But I've been having the same dilema since September and here I am, November, still as clueless as ever. I've tried explaining said problem to certain people, but instead of real advice, all I get was jealousy. Evidentally some people would love to be in my position. Therefore, I don't talk about it anymore. Just because you're on the other side of the fence does not make my side any greener. I do believe that it's solely the pang of lonely hearts that's inflicting their irrational thoughts, because if you look at the scenario from a far, it sucks. I'm tired of being clueless. I'm tired of making an ass out of you and me. I just want to know why, since the moment I stepped on to this campus, I lost the persona of "The Smart Girl" and inadvertantly created a new persona that is...well, if I knew what it was then I wouldn't be writing this right now. I guess it's because I'm no longer around the kids I've known since birth. Maybe because I'm around all of these new people that don't know me as "the brain", I'm finally being seen for who I am. It's something I've always wanted. All I need to find out is why something that is proving to be so wonderful is causing so many complications.
Other problems arose by trying to make sense out of things that don't make any sense at all, and basically watching myself get pulled along by a horse of the wrong color. How did I correct this? Easy! I made my mind shut the hell up and paid more attention to my "gut instincts" if you will. At the end of the day, you're heart always knows what it wants and needs and it's your job to make sure your brain understands that. Never ever talk yourself into something your heart doesn't believe to be right. Likewise, never talk yourself out of something your heart believes to be right. The only plausible exceptions would be if your heart and/or mind believe in something that is hurting you. Then you must intervene. It's hard, but it pays off in the end. You see, I was stuck in the same rut for a while. I was traveling the same path over and over thinking that maybe, just maybe, I was getting closer to what I wanted. I had to have been! Where else would I be going? It wasn't until I realized the path I was traveling was a big circle that I knew I needed to take the next exit off. Decisions were made, changes happened, and I swore to myself I'd never be caught in that continuous circle ever again. And now everything is working out perfectly. All I know now is that my heart and mind are saying the same thing except this time I have the reigns.
And for the first time in a long time, the sky is a little bluer.
LaTeR
“Remember that you are an actor in a play, which is as the playwright wants it to be: short if he wants it short, long if he wants it long. If he wants you to play a beggar, play even this part skillfully, or a cripple, or a public official, or a private citizen. What is yours is to play the assigned part well. But to choose it belongs to someone else.” -Epictetus
That one really got to me.
Anyhoo, so much is flowing through my head right now. Like the smell of the EazyMac my roommate is making at this very moment. However, there have been more pressing matters flowing through my mind lately. Unfortunately for you, this is where the vagueness begins.
All in all I'm sick of all these questions going unanswered. They're really nothing important. The important answers I can wait for. But I've been having the same dilema since September and here I am, November, still as clueless as ever. I've tried explaining said problem to certain people, but instead of real advice, all I get was jealousy. Evidentally some people would love to be in my position. Therefore, I don't talk about it anymore. Just because you're on the other side of the fence does not make my side any greener. I do believe that it's solely the pang of lonely hearts that's inflicting their irrational thoughts, because if you look at the scenario from a far, it sucks. I'm tired of being clueless. I'm tired of making an ass out of you and me. I just want to know why, since the moment I stepped on to this campus, I lost the persona of "The Smart Girl" and inadvertantly created a new persona that is...well, if I knew what it was then I wouldn't be writing this right now. I guess it's because I'm no longer around the kids I've known since birth. Maybe because I'm around all of these new people that don't know me as "the brain", I'm finally being seen for who I am. It's something I've always wanted. All I need to find out is why something that is proving to be so wonderful is causing so many complications.
Other problems arose by trying to make sense out of things that don't make any sense at all, and basically watching myself get pulled along by a horse of the wrong color. How did I correct this? Easy! I made my mind shut the hell up and paid more attention to my "gut instincts" if you will. At the end of the day, you're heart always knows what it wants and needs and it's your job to make sure your brain understands that. Never ever talk yourself into something your heart doesn't believe to be right. Likewise, never talk yourself out of something your heart believes to be right. The only plausible exceptions would be if your heart and/or mind believe in something that is hurting you. Then you must intervene. It's hard, but it pays off in the end. You see, I was stuck in the same rut for a while. I was traveling the same path over and over thinking that maybe, just maybe, I was getting closer to what I wanted. I had to have been! Where else would I be going? It wasn't until I realized the path I was traveling was a big circle that I knew I needed to take the next exit off. Decisions were made, changes happened, and I swore to myself I'd never be caught in that continuous circle ever again. And now everything is working out perfectly. All I know now is that my heart and mind are saying the same thing except this time I have the reigns.
And for the first time in a long time, the sky is a little bluer.
LaTeR
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