Fuck My Life (Part 2)

The following exchanges are reasons why Megan and I have lived together tooooooo long:

Megan: "Wow, Val! We have lived together for way too long!"
Val: "Yup."
Megan: "And next year will be awesome!"
Val: "Yeah, because we'll be living together too long, but this time we'll have a stove!"
Megan: "And a fridge! That you can fit inside! So we'll both have burns of various degrees!"
Val: "And mine will be BLUE!"

Val: "Hold on reading me those show synopses. I have to pee."
Megan: "NO YOU DON'T!"
Val: "YES I DO!" (Points to expanding pile of old flyers on the ground) "NOW CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT!"
Megan: "I CAN'T! I'M BEING HOUSE TRAINED!"

Megan: "Sorry my laugh just sounded like a sex noise."
Val: "It's okay. When I get really tired, my laugh sounds like a chipmunk."
Megan: "Yeah, I know."
Val: "You do?"
Megan: "Yes, I've heard it."
Val: "Oh yeah. Hmm, Jim used to love that laugh. He always told me it was cute...God I'm lonely."
Megan: (cracks up hysterically) "Sorry I'm laughing at your loneliness!"
Val: "Not a problem."
Megan: "This should totally be your away message!"
Val: "It should be, but then I'd get awkward IMs from Jim saying, 'What does this mean?!?!'"
Megan: "Fuck him!"
Val: "NO! No more! That's one of the reasons we're not together anymore."
Megan: "Oh, no I thought you were talking about somebody else!"

Megan: "I'm afraid to search this show..."
Val: "What show?"
Megan: "'Ladies in Lingerie'. I'm afraid of what I may find!"

Megan: "How about 'Annie Get Your Gun'?"
Val: "Eh..."
Megan: "Ah! It has 25 men!"
Val: "...I have 25 men."
Megan: "You'll wear them out in no time!"
Val: "Damn straight, I will! Wait...that's a compliment towards me, right?"
Megan: "Um...I think so? But I don't know. Let's just go with 'yeah' because you'd totally rock them all!"

Soooooo cracked out!

Rock Bottom

Fuck my life.

I'm done.

I'm sick and tired of being the failure.

It's someone else's turn now. Okay?

Thank you life for the never-ending parade of why I'm not G.E. in any aspect I happen to cover.

Trying New Things

Apparently, going to bed early isn't one of them! Although, I do see it proving beneficial at some point.

Anyhoo, Mom and Dad came home from a vacation in St. Kitts. They highly suggest that when I graduate, I move there. Why? Well, here's the map:
That tan area that circles the island and peaks down to the peninsula is the one and only road. THERE IS NO GETTING LOST! Oh, I'd find a way...

As far as the new things go: Mommy bought me a necklace and I'm absolutely in love with it! Good luck ever spotting me without it from now on.

Mommy also brought me back a shot glass. I get my realistic outlook on life from my mother. Aside from that, I now own a shot glass and no longer need to borrow Megan's. Yay!

My last first of the day (yes...the oxymoron is intended) is the fact that Jess is attempting to set me up with a guy she works with. This should be interesting. Ya know, besides the fact that I look, feel, and sound like death right now thanks to a cold, this guy likes "pretty girls"; therefore, I'm already off to a bad start in his book, and he's already off to a bad start in mine. Also, this is a younger guy (College freshie...okay, so not much younger, but still not what I was looking for). Screw his age! This is a guy I don't know. And what has happened to the last relationships I went into without being close friends with the guy for at least 5 months? Oh yeah, they were the worst ones of my life. Why? Because I have an uncanny knack for attracting assholes (not saying that all of my boyfriends were assholes...feel better now, Doug?) Meh. Jess took the liberty of telling him to facebook stalk me, so I guess I have to at least meet the kid. Hmm, maybe if I'm lucky the fact that all my recent facebook pictures are of my "Hubby", "Baby", "Nieces", "Nephew", and assorted "Sweaty/Old Money/Mob Families", will scare him away. It is kinda creepy if you look at it from the outside: "Why yes, I am married and have a son who is a year younger than I am. What of it? I mean, Mike and I were such close cousins that we thought it was be a good idea to--" YEAH. Awkward. Or ya know, he could stumble upon the pictures of me in my Elmo or Abby costume and think I have some effed up identity crisis. Yup, I see this whole facebook thing going well...

So what do you think? Do I owe it to myself to be optimistic yet again? Should I get the balls to walk into good old Best Buy and at least introduce myself and maybe, just maybe, be surprised? I've been meaning to grab a copy of 1408 and Best Buy just got it in stock.

And now I'll leave you with an awesomely choreographed music video that Jess introduced me to:



*Twinkle Out*

Number 10

Number 10 would be from Fly Away Home, but nice guesses everyone! Truly, you guys pretty much knocked my list outta the park.

And this is where my 6:30AM inspired creativity comes in...

It's the morning after.
You wake up,
Get off the floor,
And wonder how the hell you got there in the first place.
You take a long, hard look in the mirror.
What is it that you see there?
Look past the unmistakeably sleepless shadows.
Look through the fading sparkles that used to shine so bright.
You find all that's staring back at you are the remnants of
Who you are,
Who you were,
And who you want to be all rolled into one
Place where hope is sealed in a bottle
Of 200% proof that you're absolutely full of shit.
A few cups of logic and a couple of shots of reason
Will bring you back to the drunken stupor you repeatedly mistake as reality.
No matter what your tolerance,
No matter how quickly you sober up,
You incessantly find yourself face down on the floor where this all began.
So you live,
You love,
But, contrary to popular belief, you don't learn.
For to learn means to lie
To lie means to hide
To hide means to fail
And failing is simply no longer an option.
Why?
Because failure is nothing more than a branding iron to the soul
And you've legitimately run out of room for any more scars:
The results of spending too much time in front of a mirror
Watching your reflection stare back at you as if it, too, knows your story.
No matter how many times these light rays bounce off the mirror
And reflect back to you the same image they've produced all this time,
It will never change the fact that the perfect replica staring you right back in the face
Will never know you're there.

For those of you who don't know me very well (and for those who do and are still questioning themselves): No, I don't have a drinking problem. I just thought it was a cool analogy.