"On the inside
I keep to myself.
On the outside
Got a poker face from hell.
Well, I haven't cried for a long, long time
And I must admit it scares me.
Did I finally learn
How to deal with you?
Or did I shut down permanently?
And maybe it was just in my head
And everything that I left unsaid
Was a strange assumption
I could have sworn was true,
'Cause I thought you knew.
If an action doesn't scream a thousand words
Your reaction is to die a thousand deaths
And I drive and drive
With my side-view eye,
But I guess it just got lazy.
We were so much closer than we appeared,
Or maybe I was crazy,
But I know I'm gonna lose control
And I might beg you to save my soul
From my own reflection
I never could see through,
'Cause I thought you knew.
I thought you knew."

+/-

Alrighty, I've given you all enough time to figure out my song list. Now for those of you who care, here are the answers:

1. The Wreckage by Vanessa Carlton
6. Annie by Vanessa Carlton
7. Love Can Move Mountains by Celine Dion
8. Yes I Will by the Backstreet Boys
9. That's The Way It Is by Celine Dion
10. Strong Enough by Stacie Orrico
17. Don't Get Lost in the Crowd by Ashley Ballard
21. Whisper by Evanescence
22. A Girl Can Dream from the Centerstage Soundtrack
28. Scream by Michael and Janet Jackson
33. Crucify by Tori Amos
39. Get Your Freak On by Missy Elliot
40. How Did I Fall In Love With You? by The Backstreet Boys

Life has been life I guess. It's got its ups and downs. Sometimes you think you're on top of your game, and then in one second you're scraping the bottom and have no idea why. So here I am just as confused and contemplative as always. I have a feeling I am meant to be in this state for the remainder of this year. I just can't seem to get out of it no matter what I do. And even when I do get out of it, something always happens to put me right back where I started with either a more positive outlook or more negative outlook than where I began originally. I guess I'm just stuck on the negative side as of right now.

On a more positive note, there are a few things that are going well:

1. Chemistry in Motion - My and Pam's honors project is going so well! I can't believe we have two numbers taped already. Everything is coming together so well and everyone involved is making me so proud. I swear, knowing that I have this project to look forward to on the weekends is what gets me through my week.

2. Mavericks - COME AUDITION TONIGHT. Yes, you! No really, this isn't a joke. Mavericks is going to be fun no matter what. I just feel like tonight is either going to go really well or terribly wrong. I don't know why, but that's how I feel. Maybe I'm just nervous. Speaking of Mavericks, I really need to put together some audition packets soon...

3. Celebrate La Salle - Jess is coming up Thursday night to practice for that. We're tapping. That's basically all the details we've hammered out so far. I can't wait! I've been dying to do some tapping for a while now. I know Pam and I just finished our tap routine and were frustrated with tapping by the end, but I just want to let go and hoof like I did back in...heck, 2004. It's the kind of style that made me addicted to tap and it's the kind of style that Jess has had the privilege of practicing at Bucks County Dance Center with my old tap teacher from Turning Pointe. I miss that style of tap so bad. I've had to squander it away for two years while I was at Wendy's, but I shall squander it no longer!

4. DVD's - Anyone paid for Masque DVD's and have not received them yet? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I have this adorable folder all set and ready to do all kinds of Masque DVD orders, but I can't yet until everyone who's paid for a DVD and doesn't have it has received theirs. So I'm still waiting...

5. Sesame - I keep forgetting to schedule a sign on interview/drug test/Cornerstone meeting with HR. DAMNIT! I really need to remember to do that no matter how bad I don't want to go home. This summer is going to be a little different than the previous years. If it wasn't weird enough having almost all of your friends as supervisors while you were still a dancer, how about when all your friends are...gone. Almost all of my friends are growing up and getting real jobs this summer. It kinda sucks to be the one left behind. I mean, there are some people there I still value, but the size of our Crew is dropping from roughly 25 of us to about 7, if that. That's a big change. Those are a lot of faces I'm going to miss seeing because they either won't be working at Sesame all summer (and we will be) or they'll be on tour. I guess that's the price I have to pay for being one of the youngest in the crowd. I never realized that all of my friends from Sesame who I hang out with all summer are all around the ages of 23-26 and then there's me. Why the age difference? I have no idea. I don't seem like "the baby" and they forget most of the time that I'm not 24. It's not like they go off to bars without me or anything, it's just that I never stopped to think that they'd be moving off The Street in search of real jobs soon and I wouldn't be. Oh well.

Well that's about all I have time for, folks!

*Twinkle Out*

No One Will Ever Know...

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 40 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: For those who are guessing -- looking the lyrics up on a search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game post your own

1. "Speeding into the horizon, dreaming of the siren, wishing for her broken glass on the highway."

2. "We were strangers starting out on a journey, never dreaming what we'd have to go through." - At the Beginning by Donna Lewis

3. "St. Jimmy's comin' down across the alleyway." - St. Jimmy by Greenday

4. "The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers a wonderful thing!" - The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers by Jim Cummings

5. "She walks to school with the lunch she packed." - Concrete Angel by Martina McBride

6. "Watch her as she flew deep within the blue."

7. "There ain't no dream that don't have the chance to come true now, it just takes a little faith baby."

8. "I open my eyes and I see your face."

9. "I can read your mind and I know your story."

10. "As I rest against this cold, hard wall oh will you pass me by?"

11. "Splish splash I was takin' a bath long about a Saturday night!" - Splish Splash (Sesame Version)

12. "Little town, it's a quiet village." - Belle from Beauty and the Beast

13. "This is the moment, this is the day, when I send all my doubts and demons on their way." - This is the Moment from Jekyll & Hyde

14. "I am watching the rise and fall of my salvation." - Make Me Bad by Korn

15. "I took her out." - What's My Age Again? by Blink182

16. "An old man turned 98, he won the lottery and died the next day." - Ironic by Alanis

17. "You are the one that keeps your dream alive, and you are the one who feels the rhythm deep inside."

18. "She turns around and she meets his gaze, the lights are dim, there's a smokey haze." - Someday from The Wedding Singer

19. "She's a good girl, loves her mama, loves Jesus, and America too." - Free Fallin' by Tom Petty

20. "Something's up with Jack!" - Jack's Obsession from The Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack

21. "Catch me as I fall."

22. "When I was a child the stories would say, 'Somebody will sweep you off your feet some day.'"

23. "I was gonna clean my room until I got high." - Because I Got High by Afroman

24. "Ma-ia-hii." - Numa Numa Iei by O-Zone

25. "Right now you are down and out and feelin' really crappy." - Shadenfreude from Avenue Q

26. "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world." - Barbie Girl by Aqua

27. "Kidnap Mr. Sandy Claws?" - Kidnap the Sandy Claws from The Nightmare Before Christmas

28. "I'm tired of injustice, I'm tired of the schemes."

29. "Now I'm the king of the swingers, oh the jungle VIP." - I Wanna Be Like You from The Jungle Book

30. "Starting from here, let's make a promise: You and me, let's just be honest." - Not Gonna Get Us by t.A.T.u.

31. "I hope you never lose your sense of wonder." - I Hope You Dance by LeAnne Womack

32. "Ooo baby do you know what that's worth?" - Heaven is a Place on Earth by Tiffiny

33. "Every finger in the room is pointing at me."

34. Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn't right?" - ...Baby One More Time by Britney Spears

35. "And so it is just like you said it would be." - The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice

36. "I would like to reach out my hand." - Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root

37. "Off in the distance there's a beautiful horizon." - Look At The Sky from Urinetown

38. "No more walking up six flights of stairs or throwing down the key because there is no buzzer." - No More from Tick Tick Boom

39. "Missy be puttin' it down, I'm the hottest 'round."

40. "Remember when we never needed each other?"

*Twinkle Out*

I Found This to be Inspiring:

Life Just Isn't
By Arthur Rohling

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend
or if you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date,
how many people you've dated,
or if you haven't been with anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed,
It's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is
or how much money they have
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde,
red, black, or brown.
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart everybody else thinks you are,
or how smart standardized tests say you are.
It's not about what clubs you're in
or how good you are at your sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a piece
of paper and seeing who will accept the written you.

Life just isn't those things

Life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.
It's about what you say and mean,
maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why.
And who your judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored
with full control and intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate and love,
letting it grow, and spreading it.

But most of all, it's about using Your Life to touch
or poison other people's hearts in such a way
that it could have never occurred alone.
You, and only you,
choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those choices are what life's all about.

The Perks of Being Home

I'm sure everyone experiences some sort of perk while being at home with their family and friends. One of my least and most favorite perks all at the same time is that my past comes back in ways I never expect it. So far, it's returned to my life in good ways, such as Bryan's wonderful dinner in which I got to spend some time with some of my closest friends who I've known since elementary school and middle school. It had to have been one of my happiest nights home! We spent the night talking about mainly elementary school, but then we moved on to middle school and briefly touched on some high school memories. It will definitely be marked as one of the funniest nights of 2008 for me.

Where might my past be one of my least favorite perks you might ask? Well I'd have to say that seeing my 8th grade history student teacher in the Bucks County Courier Times again has to be one of them. By all means, everyone in my class is laughing at this, including myself. I just can't help but look back on it though and shake my head in embarrassment. Oh Minetola, you struck again! We've been hearing about this over and over again since 10th grade. IT'S A LITTLE OLD NOW! Just leave Leigh Superfine alone, won't you? GEEZ!

"Correct! Freedom of Speech is one of our freedoms as Americans. (Writing "Freedom of" on the board. Stops.) Hey guys, how do you spell 'speech'? Does it have two e's or an ea?" - Jim Minetola.

You don't have to get a haircut.
You don't have to change your shoes.
You don't have to like Duran Duran.
Just love me.

You don't have to put the seat down.
You don't have to watch the news.
You don't have to learn to tango.
You don't have to eat prosciutto.
You don't have to change a thing.
Just stay with me.

I want you and you and nothing but you
Miles and piles of you.
Finally I'll have something worthwhile
To think about each morning.

You and you and nothing but you
No substitution will do.
Nothing but fresh, undiluted and pure
Top of the line and totally mine!

I don't need any lifetime commitments.
I don't need to get hitched tonight.
I don't want you to throw up your walls and defenses.
I don't mean to put on any pressure
But I know when a thing is right,
And I spend every day reconfiguring my sense
When we get to my house, take a look at that town
Take a look at how far I've gone.

I will never go back.
Never look back anymore.
And it feels like my life led right to your side
And will keep me there from now on.
Think about what you wanted.
Think about what could be.
Think of what's great about me and you.
Think of the bullshit we've both been through.
Think of what's past because we can do better!
We can do better!
We can do better than that!
We can do better than that!

*Twinkle Out*

P.S. All of you in my and Pam's Honors project: be excited. Be very excited! Can't wait to start working with you guys!!!

Taking in the Scenery

Another Sesame Place audition has gone by. It just didn't feel the same as it usually does knowing that Cindy, Matt, Mike, Eric, Eric, Patrick, Timmy, and a whole bunch of others aren't coming back this season. However, Sarah, Lenny, and I being auditioners 15, 16, and 17 reminded me that there are still some very awesome people left at Sesame who I'm only going to grow closer with over the summer. So I guess that is something to look forward too. This year's routine was a lot of fun. It was to Rihanna's "Don't Stop the Music". I plan on remembering this conbination and practicing it periodically because it was fun and it was a nice work out. Plus, I'm sure Cindy and Erik are going to want to see it at some point. I did very well. The only awkward part of my audition was the fact that I was auditioning with 4 guys. This is how it works: they call people in 50 at a time to teach the routine. Once everyone has learned the routine, we break off into groups of 5 (#1-5, 6-10, 11-15, etc.). It just so happens that I was #17 and #16, 18, 19, and 20 were all guys. I don't think I've EVER seen that happen. Oh well, kudos to me for representin' the ladies for that round I guess. Also, the channel 6 news guy showed up after my audition (drat!) but he still video taped all of the contestants sitting watching the ones who were auditioning. So if you want the chance to possibly see me on the news, watch Action News (ABC channel 6) at 11:00 tonight!

All I have planned for the rest of the day is basically chill and then Bryan's dinner party tonight. I'm excited that it's casual this year because I don't feel like dressing up tonight. I'm wondering if I'll end up sleeping over with the boys again this year. Last year everyone left except for me and Brian, so Kenny, Bryan, Brian and I broke out a bottle of Jack and watched a movie. Being the gentlemen that they are, they let the lady pick the movie. Given this responsibility (and remembering that I was in the company of 3 guys--2 of which are quite macho) I suggested movies such as King Kong, Identity, and Rush Hour. All three of these movies were shot down so the boys decided that they would pick the movie. After 15 minutes of arguing, Bryan wanted to watch one movie, Kenny wanted to watch another, and Brian wanted to watch both and couldn't decide. They used me as their deciding factor. What were my choices? I had to choose whether we were watching Mean Girls or 10 Things I Hate About You. I'm glad I left it up to the MEN to pick the movie!

Other than that, Pam and I start our honors project on Monday. Excited much? You bet!

Anyhoo, I was sifting through my LiveJournal and Xanga and I stumbled upon this "Year in Review" thing. Since I have yet to do a Year in Review I figured I could recycle this one for 2007. So without further adieu...

Val's 2007 Blogging Year in Review:

Go to your calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2007 post a line of it and post it in your blog. That's your "year in review".

January: After a breif musical interlude (compliments of Doug on the ivories) we headed over to Gettysburg. We brought along some serious brain food: gold fish crackers, honey buns, and fruit by the foot. After visiting almost every monument on the self guided tour, we finished at PA's kick as monument. We payed our respects to Private Fangboner and Private Woodcock. We also learned that Isaac Newton and Eddy Murphy served in PA's infantry. And for those of you in the Masque, we found Private Sullivan, Private Costello, Private McGee (with multiple spellings), Private Henderson, Private McBride, and Private Neff. Amy and Doug were frantically trying to find a Nickerson or a Phelan on the infantry list. I took one look at the names and came to the logical conclusion that "My people weren't here yet." Amy came close with a Nickleson.

February: YoungStephQC: im sorry, val....want me to smack my router around for you?

March: So much stress. Stress flowing out of my ears.

April: Please make my filthy quadmates clean up their shit and learn that there is more to life than who is sucking off whom.

May: Spending some quality time with Auntie and Sister made a big difference in everything and I'd probably still be stupid without them. I also would have never finished my cheese steak without Auntie Meg. Oh, and I ordered my first Pat's steak correctly. WOOT!

June: Not Fun:
-Being mauled by girl scouts at 8:00 in the morning

July: (no entries)

August: (no entries)

September: Theman is single-handedly one of the best guys I've ever met in my entire life. And something tells me he doesn't hear that nearly as often as he should. Tis the reason I am voicing my opinion right now.

October: "I'm looking for my heart song."

November: ...Oops.

December: Anyhoo, as I was sorting through this pile, I stumbled upon my monologue I used for a Benefit Talent Show I helped out with my senior year. I wanted to share it with you because it was probably my favorite monologue I performed in high school. Not to mention that Miss Pamela Woodward and Miss Megan McGee will probably enjoy it as much as I did!

*Twinkle Out*

Don't Want to Go Back to School

Compliments of John Sehi

Sesame auditions are coming up, and by coming up I mean they're happening Saturday morning. I don't know how I feel about them. Am I really prepared to deal with another summer of immature high school co-workers and even more immature adults who some how make a living off if this gig? I honestly don't know how much I want it anymore. Just the thought of some of my closest friends not being there anymore makes me wonder where all of the fun is going to come from. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

In other news, I realized that making a To Do list for winter break was a dumb idea. I haven't gotten any of the major things accomplished that I wanted to, although I still have time to do so. I've had so much fun this break and I don't want it to end. Thanks to this incomplete To Do list I feel somewhat guilty about having fun now. I wish I knew why. It's not like anything important was on that To Do list. And heaven knows I wouldn't take back any of the time I spent having fun to complete it either! Oh well...screw To Do lists!

Okay, so I'm not too good at this mindless rambling thing, so I guess I'll just quit while I'm ahead.

*Twinkle Out*

And I just felt like adding this recent cartoon that John sent me since he has an uncanny way of finding comics that satirically match my life. And so I give you: the future of me and John's conversations:


And now I'm leaving you with one last comic that I stumbled upon. Welcome to Val, Dan, John, and Amy's winter break (post Christmas morning):